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28 May, 2003

The utter horror of PR

EVENT NUMBER ONE
Woken at dawn by PR lady representing Truly international, sector leading IT company.

"Hello." Hello. "Is that Ms secretdubai?" Yes. "Hello Ms secretdubai how are you?" Yes, fine, who is this? "Yes hello." Where are you calling from? "I am calling from Truly international company, are you receiving emails?" Yes. Is this about a press conference? "Yes it is about a press conference."

I explain: very unforunately I haven't been attending conferences for the last couple of weeks, because my camera is being repaired, and is still not back. So I won't be able to go. "So will you be attending the press conference?" No - as just explained - because I have no camera.

"So why will you not be attending the press conference?" BECAUSE I HAVE NO FUCKING CAMERA. It is useless trying to explain. This is not a human being, it is an automated semi-literate PR monkey, with a checklist of inane questions and no in-built AI.

EVENT NUMBER TWO
A press release is received from Gulf Rave-ingly awful PR company. Some piece of turge about Molloch Hospital, entirely inappropriate for a business and finance publication, but never mind.

Hello, is that Gulf Rave? "Yes, it is." Just to thank you very much for sending the press release, but unfortunately it is so poorly written that it is unuseable. "Oh." Clearly the person writing it tried very hard (lie) but English is perhaps not their first language? "Ah yes." The story was of course very important and interesting (lie) which makes it all the more unfortunate we cannot use it (lie) but perhaps you might consider employing a more native English speaker in your company at least to proof read and copy edit the English versions of your press releases? "Oh yes, we will do that in future. (Lie). Thank you very much. (Lie)."

Not really a profitable morning's communication.

Labels:

3 Comments:

Blogger desertdamsel said...

this is HILARIOUS! hahah

fyi, my latest PR debacle:

a pr woman calls. She is from percept/profile/something or other ( I don't really listen because it's just another inane crazed barely literate automoton- as you noted)

PR moron: Will you be coming to our press conference?

Me: What is it?

PR moron: A press conference

Me: Yes, but what is it about?

PR moron: It's Mr.xxxxx, he will be speaking at the Emirates Towers

Me: (silence)

PR moron: Hello? Hello?

Me: yes

PR moron: Will you be coming?

Me: Who is Mr.xxxxxxx?

PR moron: Oh, he will be speaking about electricity switches in the region

Me: You mean plugs? When is it?

PR moron: Tomorrow

Me: Sorry I can't attend as it's my weekend tomorrow

PR moron: Oh so you mean you won't be able to attend

Me: Well, it is my weekend. My day off.

PR moron: Will anyone else be able to attend.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhharrrrrrggggghhhhhhhh

12 May, 2005 09:48  
Blogger secretdubai said...

desertdamsel: Can you please email me - secretdubai@gmail.com

Only you know me, I think. (No I'm not the PR lady!) Just don't guess on here, mail me instead. Thanks.

12 May, 2005 10:31  
Anonymous Mike said...

I agree I get them all the time as well - we have Dubai Lime up and kicking and now I am expected to attend an event on wait for it "Plastic Surgery Trends" by a PR company called ESEEK just what we need for the Dubai music community. That being said they are not all crap, we use strawberry PR and they have been top, but then they don't use telesales companies or dish out mindless crap - they - oh my goodness - yes they actually speak and get to know the press in Dubai and give them relevant info! Wow - PR reinvented. Anyway - enjoy your blog - keep on rocking. Dubai Lime

22 August, 2007 01:58  

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