Arse Jason

The ultimate atrocity to ever hit any airwaves anywhere is the new Dubai Eye station. It plays lounge music and "chill" more gruesome than heard in any Jumeirah cafe, broadcasts five-hour-long country music shows that would make Tammy Wynette stab her own eardrums, and features endless bizarre Dubai "updates" that are actually tedious commerical diary features presumably sponsored by Dubai World Trade Centre telling listeners in an "upbeat" voice over a "funky beat" the dates of the Motexha textile and Index furniture tradeshows.

This afternoon's ordeal culminated with a "wacky" DJ's un-fun-filled hour of uninteresting facts and an SMS "Ask Jason!" session.

"Did you know that vampire bats don't suck blood, they *drink* it!!" No, and fuck off. "And, here are the Top Ten countries in the world for national debt!" Fuck off. "And did you know that American Airline once saved ten million dollars by cutting one olive from every first-class salad!" Fuck, fuck, FUCK OFF.

And then are we really to believe that:

1. Somebody rang in to ask about "used cars in Dubai", resulting in the least-well disguised commercial plug ever: "...and you can also try www.carsomethingdubai.com - that's www-dot-carsomethingdubai-dot.com."

2. Two people called to ask how to become bingo callers. This was clearly nothing but thinly-veiled excuse for Jase to do an agonisingly bad set of bingo caller impressions in the worst mockney accent since Dick Van Dyke.

3. "Thelma" - shitting you not - like there is:
(a) anyone under 75 called Thelma
(b) anyone in the entire Middle East region called Thelma
(c) anyone called Thelma anywhere with access to a mobile phone let alone messaging capability
texting in to ask "which country has the largest amount of post offices?"

Dubai Eye, please D-Eye.