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16 November, 2005

The Ice Man Calleth

Cunning hacks will bring blowtorches to future gala events, after one company froze mobile phones into massive blocks of ice, depriving attendees of their rightful media gifts.

Sadly, the A-list were out in force at the Branson-Burj press conference, meaning no room for the vacuously inane questions and irrelevant "points" from the lower-grade rabble that usually spice up an occasion. "Points" are perhaps the most fun: this is when a journalist - always local/regional, never from a proper organisation such as Reuters or the Financial Times - gives the audience a little monologue about what he (always a male) thinks about the company and its news.

More often than not, it's a "point of praise", where the dull-witted smudger stands and thanks the company for the great opportunity or wise vision or whichever fatuous remark he has picked from the Middle East Hacks' Handbook of Inanity.

Or, especially useful to slower scribblers and daydreamers who miss things the first, second, third and fourth times round: a "point of repetition" where he repeats exactly the same question that the company spokesperson has just answered in detail, probably to another "point of repetition". Including questions in Arabic, the standing record for identical "points of repetition" at a single event is seventeen.

And most helpfully, a "point of suggestion": when the hack offers his opinion and valuable advice to the company on what they should be doing with their marketing strategy, instead of the meticulously researched and considered plan that they have just announced.



Anonymous Anonymous said...

very nice!

a few names of dull witted smudgers and organisations they represent would further enhance your blog though :)

16 November, 2005 16:52  
Blogger secretdubai said...

Perhaps not my legal bills though!

16 November, 2005 17:01  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

whats life without a little risk eh?


16 November, 2005 17:11  
Blogger moryarti said...

Mobile phones in ice blocks .. that sounds like a Korean idea ;)

16 November, 2005 18:39  
Blogger _sublime_ said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

16 November, 2005 21:12  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I knew u are a journa.. ;-)

17 November, 2005 13:14  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anyone know why Virgin mobile from UK not compatable with Etisalat network???????????

18 November, 2005 14:55  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

anonymous at 13:14 i betcha he is english for sure

18 November, 2005 16:24  
Blogger secretdubai said...

Anyone know why Virgin mobile from UK not compatable with Etisalat network???????????

In terms of networks, I am not sure what issues there may be (eg if V and E allow roaming in each other's networks).

In terms of handsets, if you have some sort of locked handset like they have in the UK, where you get a phone+service provider type deal, then it almost certainly won't work with any other SIM card than that provided by your service provider.

I don't quite understand why this crappy packaged mobile culture is still so prevalent in the UK, here, all the mobiles are "unlocked".

18 November, 2005 17:59  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


Here it is a monopoly.. so if you buy your telephone you can only deal with one operator. hence whether you chooose a US$700 telephone or a US$70 one, you will pay the same cough! * high* cough! charges for similar types of calls.

however in places like the UK there are many mobile phone operators like Virgin, O2, Vodafone etc. What they offer is a package deal a handset + talktime. once you buy one, obviously they want to ensure that after the talk time runs out, you don't switch to a rival network just because you'll be paying 20 pence less per minute...

20 November, 2005 16:49  
Blogger secretdubai said...

Anon - thanks for your response, I understand why the mobiles are locked by the networks, but it still mystifies me that the desire to have any mobile you want matched with any operator you want still doesn't really exist in the UK.

Ie if you bought your own mobile you could get exactly the one you wanted, then pick your operator - and if you hated them you could switch after a month.

20 November, 2005 18:19  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That option exists of course... but it is far more expensive. As you well know a major market for the operators is teens, pre teens and school going kids. The package offer I mentioned fits into their paying pattern whether prepaid or postpaid

21 November, 2005 09:28  

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