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14 December, 2005

Gilt, frankincense and myrrh

Forget mosque alarm clocks, this year's Arabian Christmas present-par-excellence is a portable electric incense burner that plugs into your car charger.

Never again suffer from charcoal burns on the fabric of your sheikhmobile! Smoulder your frankincense with the clean, mystical force of "electricity", and breathe in the sweet-scented resinous fumes as you rocket at 200kmph up the hard shoulder of Sheikh Zayed road, past the gridlock of slow, stupid people actually attempting to drive within the road rules.

Available in white, pale pink or green china, the electric burner features a beautifully machine-painted design of gilded roses. For maximum convenience, it also comes with its own adhesive footprint to quickly stick to any dashboard. Buy now while stocks last - in Deira souq, for fifteen dirhams.

This hot - literally! - item is sure to be rocketing off the shelves.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

14 December, 2005 05:59  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Please delete anom's comment, what an ass.

SD, was that you I saw yesterday with one of those stuck to your windshield?

14 December, 2005 07:06  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why anon@5.59 's comment still here undeleted ? Seems like SD is away.


14 December, 2005 09:03  
Blogger bakpakchik said...

you cheeky b*st*rd :)

Was it you that flashed me on the hardshoulder yesterday? ;)

14 December, 2005 10:05  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

wow .... anon @ 5:59

who pissed on your shawerma??

14 December, 2005 10:16  
Blogger scarlettepimp said...

i think anon the ignoramous is pissed cause he doesn't have a sheikhmobile himself or is anonymous SD herself just curious to see how we stickup for her????

14 December, 2005 10:37  
Blogger nzm said...

hey SD - this is too funny - we saw the very same item for sale in a souk in Muscat over the weekend, and J was tempted to buy one just for fun!

Luckily, I managed to "dissuade" her. Since we arrived home from Oman with about a ton of frankincense, I haven't been able to see across our lounge because of all the aromatic smoke!

Imagine a car full of smoke - another excuse to give as a cause for an accident!

14 December, 2005 10:43  
Blogger CG said...

SD.....we have had these for over 20 years......where have you been? AND btw, they only cost 4 dirhams in Satwa...I know, I know, you were just testing to see if we could get you a better price elsewhere....mine is red & black velvet and has a loose wire hanging out, so the zap I get when plugging it in just adds to the ecstatic feel of the whole scenario.

14 December, 2005 10:44  
Blogger secretdubai said...

Here's anon@5.59's comment, edited to make it a little less likely to flag obscenity filters:

Anonymous said...
f*** u b****!
dont be jealous cause u dont have an sheikhmobile !
b**** go die and suck osama

Not sure quite how how I would pleasure osama if I was already dead, but such an orginal suggestion is appreciated.

14 December, 2005 11:31  
Blogger CG said...

I bet your are pleasing the big O already....he is probably one of us.....yikes

nuff said

14 December, 2005 11:52  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Actually shouldnt it be "a" sheikhmobile as opposed to "an" sheikhmobile.
And I think he is letting you know that if in fact you would suck Ossama you would die as various members of his family have suffered this experience.

14 December, 2005 12:29  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

There is never a dull moment out here. Just me, waving the international peace symbol at that moron. Glad to see anom@5:59 has been "bleeped".

14 December, 2005 12:37  
Blogger Parv said...

Hey SD, are you "jealous cause u dont have an sheikhmobile"? (anon@05:59's very limited and unintelligent vocab did make me titter this morning.)

Anyway, I cringe at the very thought of gas prices for one of those tanks. Much better things to do with one's money.

As for me, I'm off to put my dirhams to better use and buy a mobile incense burner thingy from Satwa. The Echo could use some frankincense.

14 December, 2005 13:06  
Blogger secretdubai said...

Nah, not jealous. If I was into cars, I could spend a higher proportion of my salary on one, as it is I just rent the cheapest thing going and spend the money saved on chocolate.

When some friends visited, we rented a 4WD to go off road/Hatta Springs etc, and the only car available was a white Landcruiser, which was quite funny. It didn't have blacked-out windows though :(

14 December, 2005 13:09  
Anonymous Anonymous said...



14 December, 2005 13:14  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Seems like Sorry Dubai is up and running again. Looks a bit different though.....

14 December, 2005 15:41  
Blogger Slagothor said...

Hey, I like my sheikhmobile...

14 December, 2005 16:09  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Were people getting out of your way when you drove the tank, SD? I shudder whenever one of the White Landcruisers get anywhere near me. Maniac drivers, all of them. Is it the car that inspires the drivers or do all the mad drivers seek the same car - perhaps as a way to identify each other?

14 December, 2005 16:56  
Blogger samuraisam said...

anonymous @ 15:41, yes, some time recently someone from germany appears to have registered it and filled it with foul mouthed-profanity.

14 December, 2005 17:08  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Off topic but interesting.

"SUV safety concerns are compounded by a perception among some consumers that SUVs are safer for their drivers than standard autos; this perception is generally incorrect. Many consumers feel safer in SUVs simply because their ride height makes [their passengers] higher and dominate and look down.That you can look down is psychologically a very powerful notion. This and the massive size and weight of SUVs may lead to consumers' false perception of safety." - wikipedia

14 December, 2005 17:28  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

this is a very old product i bought it from the souq looong time ago.

14 December, 2005 18:39  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I agree with Ballshi* , this is a very old product, I had bought one in the early 90's from Satwa at the everything 10/20 stores.


14 December, 2005 19:26  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

thats right many people who own shops they only provide jobs for good looking girls in order to attract people and to gain more profit ..

this is maybe now may be available in a big shop.... look like ppl like me only shop at souq

14 December, 2005 20:20  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hmm.. is it just me or is Xmas being celebrated this year in Dubai with all its glory? I thought a few years ago it was "banned" or asked to be toned down and this time its in Full Bloom!?! I hope they are consistent this time.

14 December, 2005 22:07  
Blogger secretdubai said...

hmm.. is it just me or is Xmas being celebrated this year in Dubai with all its glory?

You're definitely not the only one, see here.

It is really odd and disconcerting, even for us non-muslims. It suggests they must really have been holding back before.

14 December, 2005 22:28  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The Xmas thing is surreal, each year it gets more and more out there. It's commercialism.

15 December, 2005 07:49  
Blogger GCCBee said...

Hey - I have a white Landcruiser but you can tell it's not a sheikhmobile -- child seats in the back! (and no tissue boxes)

15 December, 2005 09:58  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear SD,
I am sure that it was not your intention... but the posting indeed may sound like an unfair generalization, and some might find it racist.

So I just wanted to emphasize that reckless driving is not the monopoly of any nationality or ethinicity.

In fact, I'm tired of seeing 'european-looking' people driving their porsches very dangerously, south-asians ignoring basic rules of safety, and so on.

What's the solution?

15 December, 2005 16:24  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Take 4wds,sports cars and any car with bhp>150 away from locals

Take sports cars and pick-ups away from westerners

Take all cars away from indians

Take old, battered beamers and mercs away from non-gcc arabs

Take licences away from people with trigger fingers on high-beams
and tail-gating habits

always stop cars with tinting..the owner has something to hide, even if 'psycho'logical

problem solved

15 December, 2005 20:30  
Blogger secretdubai said...

I am sure that it was not your intention... but the posting indeed may sound like an unfair generalization

Let's just say that rarely - if ever - I have seen a vehicle going up the hard shoulder that isn't a 4WD, usually something prestige like a Landcruiser/Lexus type thing. I don't think I've ever seen a Nissan Sunny trying it.

15 December, 2005 20:51  
Blogger dreamz said...

hey sd, if i can call u 's wooed a camel...:-)
is there anything i can ...u knw do to make this thing work !!!

16 December, 2005 11:09  
Blogger XXX said...

Slow drivers in the middle lanes are what cause the tailgating and flashers in the left.

Check out the nationality- Asian subs everytime.

Take all cars away from them and leave them with pickups physically UNABLE to move from the right lane.

31 December, 2005 22:07  

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