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28 January, 2006

Tragic lady of the Lakes

As the sun sinks behind the Burj Al Arab, Kiki and Maurice reveal a chillingly sad tale.

A friend of theirs, a young guy working in marketing, was recently delighted to find accommodation at The Lakes, renting a spare room in a villa from a British couple in their 40s. This couple seemed the perfect housemates and landlords: quiet living, respectable working people.

But after just a week, the marketing guy rang Kiki and Maurice, and told them him he had to find a new place to live as he was moving out again.

Things had apparently been fine for the first few days. Until the husband arrived home late one night blind drunk and proceeded to beat his wife to a near-unconscious pulp.

Domestic abuse transcends nationality, class and wealth. It can only be hoped that this poor woman one day finds refuge in the Dubai women's hostel - if she lives long enough to reach it.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Very sad - as someone said earlier ont his blog - its the decline of human values altogether and, you've correctly put it, trancends all colour and race. What's the human race become?

Oh well, back to another manic saturday! :(

28 January, 2006 01:32  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Husbands have been beating their wives since the beginning of the human race. It will always be so.

A man who kills his wife in the states beating her can spend the rest of his life in jail...and yet it still happens every day.

28 January, 2006 04:18  
Blogger Tim Newman said...

FFS! Brits setting an example again, eh?

28 January, 2006 09:15  
Blogger Balushi said...

nice topic, where is that Person who told me in this blog that Alcohol is NOT harmful to others???? but only to the ones who drink it.

28 January, 2006 09:22  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

newsflash to balushi, alcohol is not THE cause of the husband being abusive. clearly, someone that physically (or even emotionally, mentally,verbally)abuses their spouse has deeeper more worrying issues to contend with than just the intake of alcohol.

28 January, 2006 09:29  
Blogger samuraisam said...

rania: news flash; alcohol causes many things, I suggest you read up on it if you dont think it causes wife beating.

for instance a key effect of alcohol is;
"Disinhibition of normal social functioning (excessive talking, showing off)"

28 January, 2006 09:34  
Blogger samuraisam said...

"FFS! Brits setting an example again, eh?"

Uhhh. Does it really matter that they are British? Since when were British people the benchmark of not-being-wife-beaters?
I agree with SD's last paragraph; it doesn't matter where the hell they are from, it happens in every society/culture/country/island/continent.

28 January, 2006 09:38  
Blogger samuraisam said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

28 January, 2006 09:41  
Blogger samuraisam said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

28 January, 2006 09:44  
Blogger Tim Newman said...

Uhhh. Does it really matter that they are British?

To me it does. As a Brit, I'd like to see Brits setting an example to the rest of the world, and I show far more despair when one of my own countrymen behaves in this way than if a foreigner does.

Since when were British people the benchmark of not-being-wife-beaters?

Sadly, they are not. But I think they should be.

28 January, 2006 09:55  
Blogger Balushi said...

News update to Rania,

Children are challenged at younger ages than ever before to try drugs. Use of tobacco, marijuana, and cocaine are serious problems. However, one of the most abused drugs in our society is alcohol. Alcohol is a drug because it acts as a depressant on the nervous system and is very addictive. Though it's illegal for people under age 21 to drink, we all know that most teenagers are no strangers to alcohol. Many of them are introduced to alcohol during childhood.

-About 1 out of 5 fifth graders have been drunk.

-Four out of 10 sixth graders say there is pressure from other students to drink.

-Nearly 80% of high school seniors report having used alcohol.

-Alcohol is often the first drug that young people try.

Some parents may breathe a sigh of relief when they find out their teen is "only" drinking alcohol. Since alcohol is legal and found in most American homes, parents may think it isn't dangerous. Not true. Alcohol can be very harmful.

Childhood drinking begins early, often between 11 and 13 years of age, and sometimes even younger. Alcohol is often called a "gateway drug." When young people like the feeling they get from alcohol, they may be interested in trying other drugs later.

This can lead to multiple drug use, which is very dangerous.

The use of alcohol, by itself or with other drugs, can harm your child's normal growth and development.

Even if a teenager only drinks occasionally, intoxicated behavior can be lethal. Just one drink can impair decision making and slow down reaction time in any situation.

Alcohol is linked with a variety of risky behaviors, such as:

-Crime and serious violence.

-Early sexual activity, multiple partners, sexually transmitted diseases including AIDS, and unintended teenage pregnancy.

-Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. Drinking during pregnancy can cause a baby to be born with major birth defects. No one knows exactly how much alcohol is too much during pregnancy, but the more a mother drinks, the greater the risk to her baby.

-Drunk driving. It is the leading cause of death for young adults, aged 15 to 24 years. In one study, an estimated 6% to 14% of drivers under 21 years of age who were stopped at roadside checkpoints had been drinking. This age-group makes up only one fifth of the licensed drivers in the United States, yet they are involved in almost half of all fatal car crashes.

Most adolescents never move beyond the first stage of alcohol use. Whether they do or not depends for the most part on their personality, their family, and their community. For those who do move to the advanced stages, the entire process can take months or years. Many young people and adults receive help too late. This is why early detection is so important.

With a current emphasis on the dangers of underage drinking, you may wonder why young people continue to drink alcohol. There are a variety of reasons:

-Curiosity. They have heard that getting drunk is fun and they want to find out for themselves.
They see drinking as a "rite of passage" – something to be experienced on the way to adulthood.

To get drunk. This explains why they often drink until they are out of control. Binge drinking (consuming five or more drinks in a row for males, four for females) is alarmingly common. Sixteen percent of 8th graders, 25% of 10th graders, and 30% of seniors have reported binge drinking.
To fit in with friends who are already using alcohol.

To feel relaxed and to boost self-confidence.

To escape problems, such as depression, family conflict, trouble in school or with a boyfriend or girlfriend.
In addition to these factors, young people today are surrounded by messages in the media that drinking alcohol is normal, desirable, and harmless. Alcohol companies spend billions of dollars every year on advertising and promoting their products on TV, in movies and magazines, on billboards, and at sporting events. In fact, alcohol products are among the most advertised products in the nation. Young people are the primary targets of many of these ads.

-Alcohol companies and advertisers never mention the dangers of alcoholism, drinking and driving, or Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. Most ads show drinkers as healthy, energetic, sexy, and successful.

Help your teenager understand the difference between these misleading messages in advertising and the truth about the dangers of drinking.


© Copyright 2000 American Academy of Pediatrics

28 January, 2006 09:59  
Blogger Tim Newman said...

nice topic, where is that Person who told me in this blog that Alcohol is NOT harmful to others???? but only to the ones who drink it.

Alcohol is harmful to others, but there is little by way of evidence to suggest that banning it prevents wives getting a good beating from their husbands.

Alcohol, like backward religious beliefs, simply exacerbates an already existing problem.

28 January, 2006 10:10  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just for the record, I am a Brit. I also drink and very occasionally have a few too many, but never have and never will hit my wife. In fact the last time I came home drunk, she hit me for being late !!

28 January, 2006 10:10  
Blogger Balushi said...

@ Timnewman,

© Copyright 2000 American Academy of Pediatrics , Has nothing to do with Religion.

28 January, 2006 10:15  
Blogger archer14 said...

Sad that brits here have to resort to violence. Palatial home(s), swanky car(s) and the Burj Al Arab backdrop for all night eyecandy. Could you ask for more?
@ Samuraisam - People beat up their wives even without a swig. Alcohol aids this, but as rania said, alcohol is not the sole reason for the incident. And its a well known fact that an alcoholic remembers every single thing he/she does.

28 January, 2006 10:17  
Blogger Tim Newman said...

Has nothing to do with Religion.

I'm not saying that it does. Go read my post again.

28 January, 2006 11:17  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

First off, I personally don't think this has anything to do with race or with religion. (Though fear of eternal damnation may prevent a person from even hurting a fly.)

Second, Why doesn't anyone comment on this 'tenant' who is just running away? Definitely, I will be the first person out of there. But is there nothing that anyone can do to save that poor woman?

Has anyone seen Seinfeld? That Good Samaritan Law thing. I think that should be implemented.

I don't expect anyone around UAE to be so heroic but simply turning your back and remaining silent...isn't that almost like condoning what the husband was doing as you didn't do anything (or at least, try) to stop it?

28 January, 2006 11:33  
Blogger samuraisam said...

sporadic sd guest, I personally wouldn't help other than give the wife some money to run away from the idiot, especially in Dubai where Johnny Ping-Pong can have more wastafarian powers than Bob Marley; Typically in other countries there are a range of options, but I don't think in Dubai that there is much that can be done, other than Sharla's operation.

28 January, 2006 11:45  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

For some people alcohol mellows them out, for others they like to get angry. The angry ones are not all bad and usually just get into fights with other angry drunks.

Then there are the cowards, perhaps with a few problems at home already, that decide to beat their wives on their return from a "fun" night out.

Whilst the majority of normal people in the world abhor the practice (me included)there will always be those that will lash out with their fists at their defenceless wives. Its a psychological problem more to do with power than anything.

People will say why doesn't she just leave, however, there are more issues than that - it is not as clear cut.

As far as alcohol goes...

I bet there are people all over the world, and yes, even those with religions that "forbid" the consumption of alcohol, that like to have a good wife bashing when they're drunk and 99.9% that do not.

Alcohol consumption is a personal choice, not about religion....I know many muslims who like a good drink (and actually drnk with many pof them) and many westerners that don't drink at all.

I have seen my fair share of locals and other muslim people buying the stuff in bottle shops and bars around various emirates to know that lots of people like a good drink irrespective of their beliefs...

Balushi you sound like you need a good drink from time to time to mellow yourself out - time to wake up to the realities of the world...

28 January, 2006 12:32  
Blogger Balushi said...

Reasoning is not always helping, Wife or anybody has to be beaten sometimes to make them understand.

A man is Not a Man if he can't control his own wife.

I was in cinema lastnight to watch a movie and behind me there was a group of people who were causing disturbance and noise, I told them Three times "Please Sir kindly if could keep it low" with an smile. But they just didn't listened!

The Fourth Time I got up my seat and shouted louder than speakers in the theatre and I warned Them "I AM GONNA BLOODY BREAK YOUR FU CKING MOUTH IF YOU SPEAK ONE MORE WORD" with my Finger pointing at their Faces!!!

Next thing I couldn't even hear them Breathing!

28 January, 2006 14:11  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Balushi!

Wasn't that on Thursday night at Ibn Battuta Cinema? From where I was sitting, it looked like something exacly opposite of what you've said!

I saw two puny 2Pac wannabe's who got thrown out of the cinema cause they were disturbing! The married guy in front was the one doing the 'Please keep silent' requesting! After Mr. Karama Mojo used the F word, he got wacked a couple of times by the older gentlemen and then driven out of the cinema.

They spoke your language too! Dont mean to pick on you but I've got the feeling it was you... eck, im sure it was you!

Must be bad being a loser like you!

28 January, 2006 14:32  
Blogger Balushi said...

avid Sd reader,

by the way i go to nightclub on thursday nites.

hahaha going to cinema on thursday night.. looks like you are so bored!!! i hope u enjoyed ur movie Boys Eats Girls?

28 January, 2006 14:50  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Naive question perhaps, but is there not some women's support group or other body that could at least try discreetly to put feelers out so see if they could offer the woman any support? It is very disturbing to think of this poor woman being beaten, let alone to a pulp, with no one to help her and with tenants slinking away. I agree with 'sporadic sd guest' that to turn one's back and remain silent is tantamount to condoning the husband's behaviour. Easy to say from a distance of several thousand miles, and in Britain at that. Where a frightening proportion of women report being beaten by a partner or husband (and in some cases vice versa).

Could this issue be taken up by the local Eng lang press, or is that impossible?

28 January, 2006 15:15  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Balushi do you get nice and drunk in the nightclubs :-)

28 January, 2006 15:37  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

he gets so drunk that he passes out and suspicious men have their "way" with im...

28 January, 2006 16:42  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

@Childhood drinking begins early, often between 11 and 13 years of age, and sometimes even younger. Alcohol is often called a "gateway drug." This can lead to multiple drug use, which is very dangerous.

>This is absolute rubbish. There is no ‘connection link’ between alcoholism and drug abuse. Each of the different intoxications has a different impact on the abuser. The smoker too has more inclination to smoking hash if you may!!

@The use of alcohol, by itself or with other drugs, can harm your child's normal growth and development.

>Only if it’s consumed by the mother during pregnancy. Unless you are talking about a child of 5!!

I may have to say I do see the point in the rest of your ‘past up’ comments; but the real issue here is whether this woman or any other woman in this sad predicament can get real help.

I know of similar story when the police had to interfere but they stopped short. Unfortunately, the flaky husband did it again but the second time the woman suffered tremendously, and had to live precariously for a few weeks until she managed to fly home

28 January, 2006 17:47  
Blogger secretdubai said...

Sadly, the women are often too terrified to even try and help themselves.

And remember here, many expat spouses - if they are on their husband's sponsorship - have very few rights of their own. Legally and financially they depend on their husband.

28 January, 2006 18:18  
Blogger Balushi said...

@ trobriander, you should slap your own mouth for making a comment like that!

28 January, 2006 19:47  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It was absolutely disgusting behaviour on the part of the husband and utterly cowardly behaviour by the guest. The least he could have done was to intervene and calm the man down. Or at least call the authorities. There is no such thing as interfering. A woman is not a man's property. She has rights over him as he has rights over her. The right to beat one's wife senseless is not one of them. I bet if this were some animal, a dog or a horse perhaps, our mild mannered coward would have starting frothing at the mouth. Still, the least anyone who knows this lady can do is to either tell her to contact (which she is unlikely to do) or contact on her behalf the Al Ameen service. Their telephone number is 8004888. I'm sure they may watch this Jekyll and Hyde manager and intervene appropriately. I hope he gets a thorough hiding some day, and realises the pain he is causing another human being

28 January, 2006 20:27  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Reasoning is not always helping, Wife or anybody has to be beaten sometimes to make them understand.

In case anyone here doubted what age Balushi belonged to, it has now been cleared.

29 January, 2006 10:07  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Alcohol use leads to lowered levels of alertness and reduces self-control.

The man was right in seeking alternative accomodation and also informing his friends of the problem. The lady needs urgent help. Whoever has the relevant contacts MUST do their best to help this lady...perhaps SD readers can form a help committee. She needs to be taken out of that situation, and fast.

29 January, 2006 10:46  
Blogger Blogger said...

i don't agree i mean i'm OF COURSE against alcohol but what i mean is not all people who drink alcohol abuse their wives i guess? Alcohol is bad for many reasons but what i mean is

the person who exagerates exagerates in EVERY and any way

in alcohol, in behaviour and so on
but of course alcohol is one of the causes although the alcoholism itself is due to a man's attitude

sad story and sad that in uae you can still find alcohol

30 January, 2006 23:04  

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