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07 February, 2006

Enquiring minds

At last: a Dubai newspaper that actually covers relevant, important stories and issues of concern to sandlanders. The Dubai Enquirer is currently only available as an e-newspaper, but a seven-figure daily print run is surely not far off. A small sample of its first-rate features:

1. The ambitious "Bum City" tramp freezone
"We want to bring Dubai in line with western nations in terms of homelessness, alcoholism and vagrancy. We invite losers from around the world to move here and enjoy Bum City's first-class down-and-out facilities."

2. Dubai cabbies strike in support of empoverished stockbrokers
"They are living in horrific conditions... they are forced to share swimming pools and patios with other families."

3. Wafi statues revealed as authentic
"Deemed by many as simply remarkably accurate recreations of the ancient monuments in Egypt, the giant stone carvings were were actually created over 3300 years ago."

A special mention must go to the high profile spokespeople and analysts regularly interviewed by Dubai Enquirer. Most notably Penny Francis of the Dubai Women's Circle, who offers a brilliant solution to Dubai's traffic woes - organise lanes in accordance with salary:

"My husband works in finance. If he gets held up in a traffic jam the lost earnings can be astronomical, whereas a labourer or shop keeper doesn't lose anywhere near as much."

Labels:

25 Comments:

Blogger Destitute Rebel said...

Wow didnt know about it - thanks for posting

07 February, 2006 01:46  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hmmm maybe SD owns this paper??

Sacastically funny - just like SD.

07 February, 2006 06:11  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i have a more appealing idea for traffic that may actually be accepted here:

organize traffic by nationality.

07 February, 2006 06:13  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

did anyone read that story of that family who were stopped and badly beaten up while driving near city center by some Kuwaiti dudes in their car?

its a pity that ppl get by doing whatever they want because of what their race is.

it can happen to any of us!

07 February, 2006 06:32  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Crane fighting!
Hilarious!!

07 February, 2006 09:08  
Blogger nzm said...

Satirical hilarity!

Wonder if they'll have a Letter to the Editor section? I can just imagine the letters!

07 February, 2006 09:11  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Excellent - 'Swindon' The English Rose @ Dubailand - hahaha! :)

07 February, 2006 10:38  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maybe it'll become the Viz of the Gulf.

07 February, 2006 10:39  
Anonymous mr toodles said...

is there a website?

07 February, 2006 11:11  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

...err. mr toodles...

toodle dee toodle dum
no need to be so glum
go to SD's well written blog
where you will find the missing cog
all it takes is a simple click of the mouse
and enjoy dubai enquirer in the comfort of your house

07 February, 2006 11:27  
Blogger Bizarrism said...

Hmm
Another member of "Society of useless information"

07 February, 2006 12:22  
Blogger John B. Chilton said...

anon @6:13 - By nationality and by salary ain't much different. In this case the satire is probably actually inspired from the real life UAE proposal by someone - to reduce traffic by establishing a minimum income to own a car.

07 February, 2006 16:10  
Blogger Neglected-ism said...

Hilarious! But I doubt they will let such stuff circulate in public places (in print). What impression will it give to the tourists? =)

07 February, 2006 17:19  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Looking for Love

A strange passion is moving in my head.
My heart has become a bird
which searches in the sky.
Every part of me goes in different directions.
Is it really so
that the one I love is everywhere?

Rumi

07 February, 2006 18:46  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Excellent! As good as The Onion! I want to read the previous issues.

I agree that this has Secret Dubai's fingerprints all over it. Unfortunately, the means she must be Maureen, the only woman on the editorial staff. ;)

Seriously, though. I hope this isn't going to be a one-time thing.

07 February, 2006 21:12  
Blogger secretdubai said...

I agree that this has Secret Dubai's fingerprints all over it.

Nope - absolutely nothing to do with me. If it was, I would admit it as it's great, but it's not.

07 February, 2006 22:45  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Beloni secret dubai should out herself as the enquirer and grape shisha - the secret shisha enquirer.

08 February, 2006 00:15  
Anonymous OS said...

To anyone who missed the previous issues, here are links to all issues so far:

issue 1
issue 2
issue 3

Enjoy!

08 February, 2006 11:09  
Blogger Garthicus said...

Hi Os,

The first two links are corrupt.. but then again it could be my comp!

Thanks!

08 February, 2006 20:02  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The Dubai Enquirer unfortunately had to remove the links to previous issues after McDonalds took a less-than-humourous view of the 'Milk Sheikh Mascot' story and some people voiced concerns over the Muslim rapper 'Mosque Def' cover story.

Oh, and im not on DE either unfortunately, but I did work with Clive on Prison Sports.

09 February, 2006 00:34  
Blogger secretdubai said...

The Dubai Enquirer unfortunately had to remove the links to previous issues

How very fortunate that I saved copies on my hard drive then ;)

09 February, 2006 00:45  
Anonymous OS said...

garthicus, are you using Firefox by any chance? For some odd reason, these links work only in Internet Explorer. You could try copying and pasting the link into the IE address bar.

@anon, I'm not sure if they've removed the previous editions...I can still access them. But maybe its coming from my cache or proxy server! Saving them on to disk would certainly be a good idea. These babies will go down as part of UAE internet/media history!

09 February, 2006 09:19  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Glad to see that dreadful homophobic Penny woman is ridiculed.

09 February, 2006 10:48  
Blogger Garthicus said...

Thanks OS, I am indeed using Firefox, the links on their own page have now been reactivated and the past editions can now be viewed! magic stuff...

Thanks again!

09 February, 2006 13:23  
Anonymous The Dubai Enquirer said...

Thanks for the response!

New one coming out tomorrow (fingers crossed)

The DE.

10 February, 2006 16:01  

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