Your body for a bedspace
But look at my hopes
Look at my dreams
The currency we've spent
I love you
You pay my rent
It's about time Dubaians stopped whingeing about soaring rents and overpriced accommodation. The reality is that there are plenty of cheap flats available, with free "nice friendship" thrown in to boot:
One advert, on a well-known Dubai website, says: "If you are looking to have a room at an affordable budget then I have an offer for you: Male expat, 36 years old, nice looking with good manners, is willing to rent a room against casual acquaintance and intimacy. We shall discuss further details if you agree on the main idea."
Sadly most offers are currently only open to young, single, "broad-minded" Western women. But it's a start. As this exciting new market matures, it will surely expand to other demographics. Married, narrow-minded African men, or elderly, fun-loving Mongolian ladies will also be in huge demand in return for a bedspace.
Eventually, a unified common currency of "intimacy dollars" will be formed, to define exactly how much friendship should be paid per month for a studio flat in Satwa, or a five-bedroom palace villa in Jumeirah. Estate agents will be paid their commission in this new currency, and DEWA will enable online payment of the 5% municipality tax in intimacy dollars (via webcam, perhaps?)
Look at my dreams
The currency we've spent
I love you
You pay my rent
It's about time Dubaians stopped whingeing about soaring rents and overpriced accommodation. The reality is that there are plenty of cheap flats available, with free "nice friendship" thrown in to boot:
One advert, on a well-known Dubai website, says: "If you are looking to have a room at an affordable budget then I have an offer for you: Male expat, 36 years old, nice looking with good manners, is willing to rent a room against casual acquaintance and intimacy. We shall discuss further details if you agree on the main idea."
Sadly most offers are currently only open to young, single, "broad-minded" Western women. But it's a start. As this exciting new market matures, it will surely expand to other demographics. Married, narrow-minded African men, or elderly, fun-loving Mongolian ladies will also be in huge demand in return for a bedspace.
Eventually, a unified common currency of "intimacy dollars" will be formed, to define exactly how much friendship should be paid per month for a studio flat in Satwa, or a five-bedroom palace villa in Jumeirah. Estate agents will be paid their commission in this new currency, and DEWA will enable online payment of the 5% municipality tax in intimacy dollars (via webcam, perhaps?)
12 Comments:
So have you applied SD?
Coming soon: rentboys.
So they get to have sex and the woman ends up paying, too!? Dubai is going to the dogs - quite literally! Unique entrepreneurship!
This is just the Satwa and Bur Dubai ghetto version of prostitution. If you want a Jumeirah villa - you'd have to sell your body and your womb. Hats off to free enterprise.
Hey, look on the bright side: we might even have a real estate company called Betterwhores soon.
SD, I would like to make a charitable donation to assist in the upkeep of your blog, where can I make a deposit?
Currency my PayPal isn't geared to accept intimacy dollars, but anyone ever wanting to donate to bloggers can always join the Electronic Frontier Foundation, seeing as they actively campaign for bloggers' rights.
LOL kiwiboy ...I think DAMASS is already in the works, well ahead of Betterwhores.
Again SD, your poetry is upsetting my equilibrium.
The rent in Dubai is rising; that’s not the only thing!
A horny expat of 36 will give you a flat for your ring.
If your ugly you might get a cupboard
If your pretty and loose: a room.
So bow to his friendly plea for a ‘mate’
And give him a ‘View of your Womb’
Call me Mr. Suspicious Pants, but, wasn’t the: ‘where can I leave a deposit’ comment misinterpreted? Perhaps it is my filthy mind. Probably.
Kemlsey: those legendary lyrics weren't by me, but by the Pet Shop Boys. But granted your verse is infinitely more lovely.
Yeah great song, one of my favorites.
Not long before people start singing this godawful song as they go dizzy with willing ladies queuing up at their marina flat..
Dirty Babe
You see these shackles baby I'm your slave
I'll let you whip me if I misbehave
It's just that no one makes me feel this way
I suggest high committee of economics creates a new currency called SECS. Here is the exchange rate between SECS and AED plus other service charges:
>>1 SECS = 500 DHS Based on average daily market rate fixed at CFC(Cyclone Financial Centre) every midnight between 1AM to 2AM.
>>Bed Space Sharing(!!) = Min 4 SECS
>>One Bedroom Sharing = Min 8 SECS
>>One Bedroom Sharing + Car Pool = Min 12 SECS(8 for the room and 4 for the car)
>>Meals would cost 1 more SECS per week.
Tenant has the right to sub-let her place or even invite as many female friends over. Respected guests should pay their own SECS themselves(special discounted SECS rates would be negotiable in case of three female friends or more).
Rules and Regulations :
1. SECS currency is not accumulative, i.e. 1 SECS + 1 SECS is still 1 SECS
2. Paying minimum 4 SECS per month is a must. Tenant has the right to pay the rest in AED at her own choice.
3. Method of Transaction: Transaction method should be negotiated before and the one proposed by landlord shall prevail unless some "technical" issues with the tenant’s account make this transaction inappropriate.
4. Once any due has been paid in SECS currency, it cannot be refunded (i.e. there is no mechanism to do that).
5. Transactions can take place at any part of the premises based on landlord's desire at the specific moment.
6: In case of multiple SECS transactions, a distinctive time frame of 15 minutes should be observed between each transaction(or smoking a cigarette whichever takes longer). Else, transacted SECS counter would not be incremented.
7. Transactions should be acknowledged for their authenticity by landlords, in case of any faked SECS transaction, Landlord has the right to re-launch the transaction again (and again).
For more questions or queries, visit us at wawawa.SECS-4-AED.kom (Female visitors have to pay membership fee of 1 SECS at the counters available 24x7 all over the city.)
Our Slogan is: “We Make Better Use of STUFF”
Interesting concept. Wonder if the same currency will be used to pay salaries as well?
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