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26 October, 2006

Your body for a bedspace

But look at my hopes
Look at my dreams
The currency we've spent
I love you
You pay my rent

It's about time Dubaians stopped whingeing about soaring rents and overpriced accommodation. The reality is that there are plenty of cheap flats available, with free "nice friendship" thrown in to boot:

One advert, on a well-known Dubai website, says: "If you are looking to have a room at an affordable budget then I have an offer for you: Male expat, 36 years old, nice looking with good manners, is willing to rent a room against casual acquaintance and intimacy. We shall discuss further details if you agree on the main idea."

Sadly most offers are currently only open to young, single, "broad-minded" Western women. But it's a start. As this exciting new market matures, it will surely expand to other demographics. Married, narrow-minded African men, or elderly, fun-loving Mongolian ladies will also be in huge demand in return for a bedspace.

Eventually, a unified common currency of "intimacy dollars" will be formed, to define exactly how much friendship should be paid per month for a studio flat in Satwa, or a five-bedroom palace villa in Jumeirah. Estate agents will be paid their commission in this new currency, and DEWA will enable online payment of the 5% municipality tax in intimacy dollars (via webcam, perhaps?)

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Blogger Taunted said...

So have you applied SD?

26 October, 2006 09:30  
Blogger marwan said...

Coming soon: rentboys.

26 October, 2006 09:38  
Blogger al-republican said...

So they get to have sex and the woman ends up paying, too!? Dubai is going to the dogs - quite literally! Unique entrepreneurship!

26 October, 2006 09:43  
Blogger Eswara VAN Sharma said...

I would looooove to see how the annual rent increase is handled on this one!!!

26 October, 2006 09:43  
Blogger dontfearfreedom said...

SD, I would like to make a charitable donation to assist in the upkeep of your blog, where can I make a deposit?

26 October, 2006 09:51  
Blogger Sex and Dubai said...

This is just the Satwa and Bur Dubai ghetto version of prostitution. If you want a Jumeirah villa - you'd have to sell your body and your womb. Hats off to free enterprise.

26 October, 2006 10:30  
Blogger DesertNorm said...

Isn't soliciting this kind of relationship illegal ?

26 October, 2006 10:45  
Blogger Kiwi Boy said...

Hey, look on the bright side: we might even have a real estate company called Betterwhores soon.

26 October, 2006 12:07  
Blogger secretdubai said...

SD, I would like to make a charitable donation to assist in the upkeep of your blog, where can I make a deposit?

Currency my PayPal isn't geared to accept intimacy dollars, but anyone ever wanting to donate to bloggers can always join the Electronic Frontier Foundation, seeing as they actively campaign for bloggers' rights.

26 October, 2006 12:45  
Blogger Sex and Dubai said...

LOL kiwiboy ...I think DAMASS is already in the works, well ahead of Betterwhores.

26 October, 2006 12:54  
Blogger Dubai Stud said...

I knew I should have bought lots of apartments in Dubai Marina which I could have rented out for 'intimate currency' (IC)! What a great lifestyle, just go to one of my apartments when I feel like it, and enjoy the fruits of the new currency.

But how is the IC to be standardised, for after all, the same intimate service from one person may be twice as pleasuarable from another. Perhaps those offering the IC should be required to tested by the IC standards bank to verify their ability to tender IC of the required quality.

Hold on, perhaps I should also put myself forward as IC currency tester with the IC standards committee! What a job!

Then of course we would have to define differeennt 'values' (there should be no coins in IC):

IC level 1: smile and be friendly

IC level 5: smile, hug and kiss

IC level 10: a quick one

and so on. Maybe somebody else could describe what IC level 100 would buy you.

God, I love Dubai - it's progressing in leaps and bounds, breaking new ground all the time.

Or have I got it wrong; could the IC be the road to legitimising the exploitation of non-indegenous Dubaians for the fulfillment of the pent up and repressed desires of the Dubai masses (seeing that the workers on the building sites have sent the benchmark)?

26 October, 2006 13:32  
Blogger dontfearfreedom said...

Overspending Intimacy Currency -> splashing out

26 October, 2006 14:09  
Blogger dubaibaggie said...

Womb with a view?

26 October, 2006 14:41  
Blogger dontfearfreedom said...

Dubai tennants are the worst in the world; they suck.

26 October, 2006 16:08  
Blogger dontfearfreedom said...

I'm going to set some aside for the future, just deposit a little each month into a high interest wank account.

26 October, 2006 16:23  
Blogger dontfearfreedom said...

I know how we can decide it; lets toss an Intimacy Currency coin.
Call... head or head.

26 October, 2006 16:31  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Again SD, your poetry is upsetting my equilibrium.

The rent in Dubai is rising; that’s not the only thing!
A horny expat of 36 will give you a flat for your ring.
If your ugly you might get a cupboard
If your pretty and loose: a room.
So bow to his friendly plea for a ‘mate’
And give him a ‘View of your Womb’

Call me Mr. Suspicious Pants, but, wasn’t the: ‘where can I leave a deposit’ comment misinterpreted? Perhaps it is my filthy mind. Probably.

26 October, 2006 16:52  
Blogger secretdubai said...

Kemlsey: those legendary lyrics weren't by me, but by the Pet Shop Boys. But granted your verse is infinitely more lovely.

26 October, 2006 17:28  
Blogger archer14 said...

Yeah great song, one of my favorites.
Not long before people start singing this godawful song as they go dizzy with willing ladies queuing up at their marina flat..

Dirty Babe
You see these shackles baby I'm your slave
I'll let you whip me if I misbehave
It's just that no one makes me feel this way

26 October, 2006 17:39  
Blogger Wobblydangly said...

Unrivaled growth in the UAE has not come without a price tag. As air pollution has increased dramatically, the country has become one of the biggest per capita air polluters on earth. Traffic jams and accidents regularly cause terrible congestion on the highways and efficient public transportation remains three years away. The UAE has joined four other nations in per capita fossil fuel consumption and carbon dioxide emissions. Water consumption is so high that it exceeds 378 liters per day, compared to an international standard of 189 to 265 liters per day. Eight years ago, the per capita waste generation was 725 kg; today that figure is 1,250 kg, making the UAE one of the highest per capita generators of trash in the world. Energy consumption per capita is also among the highest in the world.
Laborers’ lives are also one of the secrets of the UAE economy. Kept out of view, many live in poorly equipped labor camps, their meager wages are often withheld for weeks. Although the UAE has few official taxes, indirect forms of taxation make up for this. These include high prices for telephone service with profits funneled into high-paying, short-hour jobs for nationals. While there will be a second telephone company their will also be no competition on price.
The country’s culture and sense of history pride have begun to disappear into Westernized popular culture and the pornography of excess. Though the Emirates may have been “greened” with plants, the cultural environment remains desert-like. For many, the highlights of the season are Summer Surprises, Global Village, and Dubai Shopping Festival—all opportunities to spend serious money.
While measurably better off than several neighboring nations, the UAE suffers from flaws that could prevent it from ever becoming a knowledge-age country. Among those deficiencies is an education system focusing on training, rather than developing intellectual content or thinking skills of it nationals and a social structure that sometimes discourages young women from making an economic contribution.
If the country is to move forward sensibly from where it stands today, serious thought must be given to making the social order more inclusive and favoring a culture in which character counts more than the content of the pocketbook. It also will mean a serious examination and reconciliation of the religious and secular spheres so that neither loses and both benefit. In the end, the pathway to the future requires blending the best of the old and the best of the new. Such balance is admittedly difficult to create and sustain, especially in the a region where tribe and tradition have such a hold on society, and the pull of glitzy development and immediate gratification are stronger than that of measured growth.

26 October, 2006 22:54  
Blogger Cracking Boy said...

I suggest high committee of economics creates a new currency called SECS. Here is the exchange rate between SECS and AED plus other service charges:

>>1 SECS = 500 DHS Based on average daily market rate fixed at CFC(Cyclone Financial Centre) every midnight between 1AM to 2AM.

>>Bed Space Sharing(!!) = Min 4 SECS
>>One Bedroom Sharing = Min 8 SECS
>>One Bedroom Sharing + Car Pool = Min 12 SECS(8 for the room and 4 for the car)
>>Meals would cost 1 more SECS per week.

Tenant has the right to sub-let her place or even invite as many female friends over. Respected guests should pay their own SECS themselves(special discounted SECS rates would be negotiable in case of three female friends or more).

Rules and Regulations :
1. SECS currency is not accumulative, i.e. 1 SECS + 1 SECS is still 1 SECS

2. Paying minimum 4 SECS per month is a must. Tenant has the right to pay the rest in AED at her own choice.

3. Method of Transaction: Transaction method should be negotiated before and the one proposed by landlord shall prevail unless some "technical" issues with the tenant’s account make this transaction inappropriate.

4. Once any due has been paid in SECS currency, it cannot be refunded (i.e. there is no mechanism to do that).

5. Transactions can take place at any part of the premises based on landlord's desire at the specific moment.

6: In case of multiple SECS transactions, a distinctive time frame of 15 minutes should be observed between each transaction(or smoking a cigarette whichever takes longer). Else, transacted SECS counter would not be incremented.

7. Transactions should be acknowledged for their authenticity by landlords, in case of any faked SECS transaction, Landlord has the right to re-launch the transaction again (and again).

For more questions or queries, visit us at wawawa.SECS-4-AED.kom (Female visitors have to pay membership fee of 1 SECS at the counters available 24x7 all over the city.)

Our Slogan is: “We Make Better Use of STUFF”

27 October, 2006 04:08  
Blogger Wobblydangly said...

Is it true that one the reasons property prices and rents have gone crazy is the speculation from laundered money coming in from the CIS and India to purchase real estate?

27 October, 2006 09:03  
Blogger Balushi said...

I was offered a room with an Eurpean ofcourse Broad-minded in exchange for doing her chores bcoz she is single and cant put a nail on the wall!

Where the f$ck are the "I love Dubai" car stickers?

27 October, 2006 14:38  
Blogger snow white said...

Interesting concept. Wonder if the same currency will be used to pay salaries as well?

27 October, 2006 18:58  
Blogger Al Pashtuno said...

It already is u bum

27 October, 2006 21:50  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nice find. I always knew it was only a matter of time, after all, the sex-for-rangerovers trade has been a staple of the UAE for a while now. it's a natural progression. you cant argue with evolution my friends.

BTW, please check out my BRAND new blog and give me some tips, I have been a fan of secret Dubai for a while now.

28 October, 2006 01:05  
Blogger Balushi said...

I am sorry to break this out now after all the things u guys have been discussing so interestingly!

-Actually It was ME who posted that Add in the asking for girls for bedspace!!!

but still nobody replied to me anyway! - Duhh what the hell!

BUT: i am glad that newspaper some things from me on their papers!

I will think of something new now...!

oh oh maybe,

Baluchi boy need a room in exchange of homeworks; ONLY WESTERN FAMILIES.

28 October, 2006 12:28  
Blogger ironcurtain24 said...

Cracking boy...

that was sooo good .. really respect... and i really laughed a lot... ;-) ...

29 October, 2006 08:17  

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