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05 February, 2007

Globule Village

Th 2007 Global Village once again demonstrated that axis of evil countries have by far the best pavilions with the most interesting wares. Cell Block G is currently bedecked with Iraqi rugs and paintings, spices from Yemen and sweets from Syria and Iran. It makes one slaver over the prospect of what a North Korean pavilion would offer.

For some reason the Global Village closed unusually early this year, but luckily not too soon for TV Terry to miss out on the ferris wheel and greasy shwarmas. While he had a delightful time, he wasn't perhaps moved to the ecstasies of "grandma" and "little one" in a Khaleej Times article so excruciating that it serves as a more effective emetic than riding the Booster right after brunch at the Burj:

“I love the way the city is dressed up,” quipped the little one, skipping along. “All bright, cheerful and colourful. It makes me...hmm.. happy,” she said, adding as an after thought, “I also want my face painted with red, pink and blue butterflies.”

Terry had his face sketched by a talented Iranian artist who flipped a coin to decide whether to draw his glasses in at the end. The portrait is not yet hanging in the National Gallery, but given Terry's "Mona Lisa smile", it probably should be.

“It is the smaller beauties,” she said softly. “What do you mean grandma?” asked the little one, suddenly screaming with delight when a breezy young lady handed over a pink balloon to her.

Terry nearly died laughing when a tantruming brat let go of its balloon and had to watch it escape into the sky. Hopefully it was "little one". Though it might have been more enjoyable to watch if little one had remained attached to the balloon as it vanished forever into the night.

“Grandma, are you forgetting the entertainment in parks,” chanted the little one, hands on hips, posing artfully in front of the Syrian bazaar. “Do you think we can savour all the flavours of the world in 45 days,” questioned the little one, evoking a hearty chuckle and wink from her grandma.

Terry got as far as Lebanon and Thailand in his gastro-safari, where he probably doubled the latter country's GDP with the amount of Thai Fruit he ingested.

The Rio de Janerio carnival was so full of colour and...” said the little one, leaving the sentence midway as she danced off to see the splendid fireworks splashing hearts, pink and green palm trees and glittering red on the skies above the Global Village.

Terry missed the fireworks because he was stuffing his face with two chicken shawarmas. However the pops and bangs were vaguely audible above the noise of the crowd.

“Do you know dear how DSF is spreading joy all around?” asked grandma.

Unfortunately at Cell Block G, it seems to have spread plague, as inmates drag aching bodies through a litter of Lucozade bottles and Panadol packets to retch yet again. Or maybe it was reading Asma Ali Zain's article that induced the sickness.

Labels: ,

23 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

You know what Ms. Zain is doing? She's gunning for the (fairly lucrative) DSF prize for Best Article.

What will happen to the plague-ridden inmates when they hear she has won the prize, as she no doubt will? It's family-orientated, sickly sweet, there's no trace of criticism or irony or sarcasm, there's no tongue-in-cheek humour, it praises to the skies - it's a sure winner.

05 February, 2007 02:03  
Blogger screwed.mind said...

I made a mistake and hit the KT link in the post…

Arrrghh…
Arrrrgh…

I’m controlling my gag reflex hardly...They Must sell the paper with free barf bags attached!

05 February, 2007 04:36  
Anonymous Cotton Eye Joe said...

"For some reason the Global Village closed unusually early this year"

I guess "our folks" made more money than they could count for the next one year! At 5dhs per head as entry fee, one can only imagine.....!

05 February, 2007 07:06  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

'For some reason the Global Village closed unusually early this year..'
from what i know, the global village is going to close on the 9th of feb.

05 February, 2007 08:14  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

GV closed earlier this year for a couple of reasons: last year the merchants complained that it was open too long, and it was uneconomical for them to stay here with basically the same amount of sales stretched over a longer period.

Also, they're going to tear down all the make-shift pavilions and replace them with permanent buildings.

05 February, 2007 09:19  
Blogger nzm said...

The little one has an amazing vocabulary, and grandma has an amazing memory!

Ughhhh.....pass the Pepto-Bismol.

05 February, 2007 13:14  
Blogger SIN said...

Help me, i'm gonna retch...to think this used to be the number one paper by far once upon a time.
Barf me out!

05 February, 2007 14:18  
Blogger littejimmy said...

Oh.
My.
God.

*vomits*

05 February, 2007 14:37  
Anonymous Trend_Setter said...

I'll take your deeply creepy KT DSF article and raise you with this:
http://www.khaleejtimes.com/DisplayArticleNew.asp?section=theuae&xfile=data/theuae/2007/january/theuae_january731.xml

05 February, 2007 15:02  
Blogger kirstie said...

I think the article sums up the innocence, family values and wholesome entertainment that Dubai has become known for around the world. Bravo! One for DTCM to use in their brochures?

05 February, 2007 15:52  
Blogger secretdubai said...

trend_setter here's a clickable link for that article.

And here's a quote from it:

"Like a young maiden who confidently steps out into the world, sure of herself, her youth, her beauty, her potential and the effect she has on others, Dubai is preening on the world stage, throwing inviting glances at others, sure of itself and its place in the world."

Because that's certainly maidenly behaviour, isn't it? Not whorish at all. I hope Dubai is remembering to wear her hijab while she preens and throws out "inviting glances".

05 February, 2007 16:13  
Blogger aussie70 said...

Secretdubai, do you have barf bags ? I need to puke badly after reading that article. Are these guys for real !!!!! I have to run !

05 February, 2007 17:04  
Blogger A Yahya said...

“Do you think we can savour all the flavours of the world in 45 days,”

Exactly what kind of brain food is this child being fed?

From now on, whenever I read something from Terry, his/her voice will have a posh upper class(and clearly highly educated) British accent.

05 February, 2007 17:45  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

http://egyptiankangaroo.blogspot.com/

05 February, 2007 17:54  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Global village...global Dubai, a melting pot...I must vomit...what a happy an nice place, a paradise, everybody's happy, no poor ones, full of colours...Why don't they take a look at www.uaeprison.com... (if they can coz is blocked) maybe we are not all that happy...

05 February, 2007 18:26  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

We all need to puke upon our beautiful maiden: Dubai, with its colourful money! arrrfff!

05 February, 2007 18:29  
Anonymous FreshFruit said...

Want something interesting to read, not that stupid stuff from happy newspapers, take a look at this:

"There are several prisons in Abu Dhabi and all are notorious for their human rights abuse, stoning to death, lashings, overcrowding. Inmates often sleep in cells designed for 8 which hold up to 22 with 3 lice infested blankets on a cement floor. Many inmates are held for months at a time with no trial or contact with legal or family.

Your first stop as a prison in Abu Dhabi is the C.I.D. HQ in Abu Dhabi. Unfortunately no prisoner can contact their loved once, once they are arrested and relatives trying to contact their loved ones in the C.I.D are given no information at all.

Many witnesses are also held in the C.I.D. HQ for a very long time. Long term prisoners are kept in the ground floor. Women and children which includes babies are in a separate block.1.

Our contact warns anyone searching for family members to take special care otherwise they may get arrested as well.
KNOWN PRISONS IN ABU DHABI
# C.I.D. HQ, where torture is on the daily agenda
# Police station in Medina Zayed, where the prisoners are kept for up to 2 month
- Al Sader / Al Taweela, which is outside of Abu Dhabi. Most of the prisoners there are waiting for the deportation. But also some locals and other nationals are kept there. No visitors !
- Police station Khaledia , prisoners are kept there for up to 6 month
- Mina, prisoners are kept there for a short time
- Central Jail in Abu Dhabi, which is outside of Abu Dhabi.
AL-WATHBA PRISON IN ABU DHABI
Al-wathba prison in Abu Dhabi is notorious for its human rights abuse, stoning to death, lashings, overcrowding. Inmates sleep in cells designed for 8 which held 22 with 3 lice infested blankets on a cement floor. Some Women have been there 16 years and have no one to assist them. One lady has been there 4 years without any help from her embassy. The Indian embassy does not acknowledge that they have several indian nationals in this place. The Sri Lankan and Phillipine Embassies try and visit once a month. This information has been submitted to us from a westerner who was incarcerated in al-wathba and received no assistance from her embassy at all.

There are more than 300 women, babies and children in this place, family names are not used as a rule"

Emirates are great, they are a source of justice...puke with pleasure now.
(but they cannot blocked all the web!)

05 February, 2007 19:11  
Blogger Gargoyle said...

Take any fifty words from the article, record someone reading it out to some cheesy music... voila, radio ad in Dubai!

Ad 1

Opening bars

“It was as if you found timeless treasures at the Bazaars of the World at Al Seef Street which recreated the aura and magic of world-renowned traditional souqs of the Middle East such as Khan Al Khalili of Egypt, El Madina Souq (Syria), Samsara Souq (Sana) Samareen Souq (Yemen), Samareen Souq (Morocco) and Shah Souq (Iran),”

[The Evil Bank Credit Card is accepted at more souqs than any other. And don't forget, you can win with your Evil Bank Credit Card this DSF!]

“Grandma, are you forgetting the entertainment in parks,”

Grating musical sting


Ad2

Birds tweeting, breezes sighing, soppy harp

“ A thing that brings happiness and joy to a human being — even though small — does not go unnoticed. It just becomes a smaller beauty,”

[Introducing shitty tiny car, just as tiny as the cool tiny car - but cheaper. And even cheaper this DSF!]

“Come on, let’s hunt for hidden beauties around us this DSF,”

Giggles. Soppy jingle. Fade.


And so on and so forth. Asma Ali Zain has a great career ahead of her.

05 February, 2007 21:02  
Blogger Egyptian Kangaroo said...

so celebrity big brother who get kicked out of the house go ! Isn't she worried that she might see none english people there ?? http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,11049-2007060093,00.html

06 February, 2007 16:10  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I shall VOMIT on 'grandma' and 'little one'.

09 February, 2007 10:49  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Detained at the end of a Dubai holiday, my friend is now in Al Wathba prison with no charge, stuck in bureaucratic limbo - it really can happen to anyone: His legal council says if things go WELL, he might be out for 3 months.
I have done a YouTube song about Dubai to spread the word:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0M8I8ydkq0g

19 February, 2008 15:30  
Blogger Christine Fernandes said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

11 April, 2008 09:50  
Blogger Christine Fernandes said...

THE BIG TRUTH ON UAE - UNITED ARAB EMIRATES AND FLY EMIRATES

Recently, the rulers of the UAE along with the airline "Fly Emirates" has done luxurious campaigns for promoting tourism in that country, inviting television broadcasters from different countries, to disclose their territories, which Dubai is the Paris of deserts, or the East New York average. Well dear friends (as), the reality does not quite.
Before thinking in travel, read very carefully the words below.
The UAE is a country that condemns its tourists without any kind of proof, that even without any proof.
In August 2007, three Brazilians, Sr. Kiyoshi Ikeda, Sr. David and Mr. Shibuya Jonatan Souza Rodrigues Moreira, were the UAE, the business in order that the first two are entrepreneurs in the business of import of tyres and second, commercial representative in the same line, when the 25th of the month of August 2007, were surprised at the hotel they were in DUBAI, by the local police, 05 days after entering into the UAE, and led to the arrest of Al Wathba (known as the worst prison east of the average), staying for more than 45 days incommunicado, and the supposed reason for science its prisons only a month after what happened.
The contact existing in the country, which led the trip of Brazilians, is a Pakistani citizen, alleged entrepreneur of the industry automotive, owner of manufacture of tyres in China.
However, the Pakistani citizen, was arrested by police Arabic, being accused of crimes of theft of vehicles carried in the UAE, these crimes, which were completely unknown by the Brazilians.
On being arrested, the Pakistani such, certainly to see free, reported that the Brazilian citizens were involved in the crime. Now the question remains: they had arrived there 05 days in the UAE, and would remain only for 12 days, how could commit some kind of theft of vehicle? Cabendo also clarify that the importation of used vehicles is prohibited in Brazil, being allowed only in cases of inheritance and for collection.
Thus, our brothers, husbands, friends and children are imprisoned for more than 05 months, sentenced to 05 years in prison, with hearings conducted without the presence of an interpreter, not allowing the exercise of full protection, and what is worse, without assistance Brazilian there, being victims, as reported by the prisoners, abuse, prejudice and what is worse "TORTURE AND VIOLENCE."
Thus, we must reflect before travelling to the UAE, because the government of that country and the company "Fly Emirates", are selling a reality that does not exist, and the next victim could be you.

Christine Fernandes
brazil

11 April, 2008 09:51  

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