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22 February, 2007

Recipe for Congestion Cake

1. Take one perma-gridlocked city crammed with overweight, under-excercised residents who divide their time between traffic jams, the office, and the brunch buffet.

2. Add two scoops of 24/7 road tolls with no incentive for drivers to avoid the rush hour, and several out-of-service "intelligent" traffic information signals.

3. Fold in a lack of any proper public transport system and a metro that is another two years away.

4. Sprinkle on the illegality of shared car lifts and return taxi rides between emirates.

5. Add a liberal dash of booming population figures, spiralling rents, and soaring Sharjah-Dubai commuter numbers.

6. Allow to brew for several years of despair, misery and anger.

7. Serve, garnished with the news that even cycling is illegal throughout most of the emirate, including leafy suburban Jumeirah.




Blogger Radha said...

haha! This is so typically Dubai. Didnt know that cycling was illegal though.

22 February, 2007 11:37  
Blogger Sex and Dubai said...

To be fair - it is extremely unsafe to cycle along the main roads. Perhaps if they actually thought far enough to have a dedicated lane to cyclists it would solve the matter. Though until Dubai's Drivers calm down, that lane would probably serve as just another hard shoulder. Stick to the pavements...somewhat safer.

22 February, 2007 11:44  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Spot on SD. The usual mix of sledgehammer diplomacy, total disregard for economic reality and contempt for long-suffering workers. The worse potential outcome that no-one appears to be considering is not the impact on the middle class, but the fact that the lowest paid may soon disappear. AED 4 toll each way adds up to AED 160 per month - rather a lot if your salary is AED 3000. Remove the lowest rung of the economic pyramid, and watch the rest come crumbling down.

22 February, 2007 11:49  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'd love to model Dubai into a flyover / wormhole city with no intersections / roundabouts. Does any other city in the world have this already? If not, here's another one of a kind project!

22 February, 2007 11:50  
Blogger BuJ said...

I think it's disgusting.. I feel repulsed even at 3,400 miles away. The thing that really fries my eyes is the fact that it's a 24/7 charge. I don't see why I should be penalised for driving when there is no jams etc..


Whenever such a charge is schemed up, the public need an alternative or need to know that their money is being spent to improve their lives.

Otherwise it's complete rubbish, which I believe Salik is.

22 February, 2007 16:27  
Blogger S. said...

I saw this in the paper and was godsmacked too. Complete idiots..

From what I saw in the paper, they say that "cycling is illegal". No mention of pavements or anything of the sort.

I would cycle on the pavements, cant think that the person who got stopped was riding his bike ON the road. Either way, perfect example of idiotic rules and regulations that this place is synonymous for.

22 February, 2007 17:02  
Blogger Dubai Jazz said...

SD, what a great recipe for mental breakdown!
However, I kinda commend the banning of cyclists in the congested areas, and this is my conviction after living for 3 years in the realms of Bur Dubai...
Well maybe DM should work on allotting special tracks for them...

22 February, 2007 19:31  
Blogger rt said...

how about allowing cyclists on dxb's roads? how about making flashing and tailgating ILLEGAL? maybe that will avoid accidents and cause injury to pedestrians or cyclists. i cant believe i get tailgated and flashed at 6.30AM on Al Khail even though Im driving at 120kmph. Who's in a hurry to get where at that time in the morning, when there is absolutely no traffic on Al Khail!!! and there is no concept of SAFE DISTANCE. if i applied brakes, i know either my car or me would not make it, as the 4WD or the BMW would come crashing into me.
i read about cycling being illegal on 7DAYS..its absurd for ppl that want to cycle to work, and cant!

23 February, 2007 15:01  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think the tolls are a great idea, if it takes 30% of the cars off the road, then surely a good thing no??

If you cant pay the toll, dont get in the car..

if you cant cycle.. walk

if you cant walk, then stop moaning and move to where you work

if you cant afford that

go home..

its quite easy really

23 February, 2007 18:02  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Also if you really really hate it that much over here, please kindly leave. No one is forcing nobody to be here.

We got cheap air tickets, all the worlds airlines fly here, alot of ships come here, the road networks to other countries is very good also.

I would like to add also alot of the whingers here have access to their passports, so you got no reason to say the employer has it or something like that.

So please sleep on that thought, you dont have have to be here if you dont want to.

Is good thought, no?

23 February, 2007 21:18  
Blogger secretdubai said...

We got cheap air tickets

Are you on crack?

23 February, 2007 22:12  
Blogger Al Ain Taxi said...

Anonymous at 21.18: Show me those cheap tickets! Bring em on! I want one! I haven't tried the road option the UK yet. Shame, I was planning to do it on my bike too.

I have one more thing to say: CYCLE LANES. It's not as if we don't have the space for them here. If they can fit them in the narrow streets of London they can certainly fit them in here.

24 February, 2007 09:46  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Are you on crack?

Definitely he is! or maybe mushroom...from camel's piss!

24 February, 2007 10:11  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


We'd like to include this recipe in one of the books we're bringing out in Dubai at the end of 2007
'The well travelled book of recipes'

See - we've just added you pearls of wisdom to our blogroll. How refreshing...

24 February, 2007 10:57  
Blogger rt said...

if all the expatriates who are being forced by emaar to leave or invest half a million or lot more in properties actually exit from the country, or the people who cant afford to live in uae ny longer leave the country, if all the labourers who are not being paid their AED 400 wages leave the country...really...who's going to be there to build it? so 'if your not happy, then leave' is really fine with expatriates because they can find opportunities where they can actually become citizens of another they're pretty ok really. but they choose to stay the problems as pointed by SD exist and everyone really that works a job here, lives the normal expatriate life (As opposed to a millionaire or a tourist) suffers this on a regular basis as do several citizens. can citizens leave the country as well? is that really the solution to this?

24 February, 2007 12:40  
Blogger BuJ said...

Do you know where I can get some of the above? hehe

Anyway next time I'm home I'm going to pump up my bike's tyres and go cycling! Let's see how long it takes before I get arrested.. muhaha

Is it illegal to cycle full stop, or only on the roads? Is it ok to cycle on the sidewalks? What about some places (very rare) where they have cycle lanes?

Interesting laws eh?

Have someone explain to you the term Hukum Qarakosh SD if you haven't heard it before!

24 February, 2007 13:46  
Blogger Para Glider said...

What's the problem with congestion? Think of it as Dubai's Traffic Festival. Then it's the best in the world again. Or retire to The Paranormal Hotel for a relaxing beer until it quietens down.

24 February, 2007 16:47  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think , the cyclist ban is a good idea , cause the cyclist have no idea how to drive in dubai , specially all the cyclist from the indian subcontinent , you can see them driving like drunk in central bussiness district such as nasser square and gold souq and naif road areas . And also the car drivers have no experience on how to care for the cyclist ahead of them , they cannot or do not maintain safe distance and they just kill them , hence the new law.

25 February, 2007 00:57  
Blogger rt said...

'specially all the cyclist from the indian subcontinent , you can see them driving like drunk in central bussiness district such as nasser square and gold souq and naif road areas'

could that be because they have no other means of transportation, and sometimes u need to swerve and drive around like ur 'drunk' bcoz there are so many lunatic drivers as u very well point out. many times, these guys are also expected to transport goods from one place to another or collect some items or deliver from cafeterias. banning cycling will do no good at all. Well..for a minute, lets forget about safe distance between vehicles n pedestrians/cyclists, how about some safe distance between vehicles themselves?

25 February, 2007 13:50  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"cause the cyclist have no idea how to drive in dubai"

I don't know what is funnier - the moronic new laws or the morons who think bicycles can be DRIVEN!!!

25 February, 2007 13:50  
Blogger Udai Kapila said...

"I think , the cyclist ban is a good idea ......And also the car drivers have no experience on how to care for the cyclist ahead of them , they cannot or do not maintain safe distance and they just kill them , hence the new law."

In that case, why don't we ban driving cars?

26 February, 2007 16:07  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

they cannot ban the cars cause then how will the car agencies owners (locals)sell the cars , this bussiness runs in billions , millions . It is not possible just like banning smoking in public places and malls is possible but banning the sale of ciggaretes is impossible as that too runs in billions of dollars worth of bussiness .

26 February, 2007 22:33  
Blogger i*maginate said...

You took the cake idea from my blog: it's so obvious. (sarcasm intended for all you rickshaw drivers out there)

Secret babe, can you please add some spice to our life in Dubai? Your culinary skills will obviously do the trick. I laugh along to whatever you write, but I'm curious to know if there's anything about Dubai that you actually like? ...well?

26 February, 2007 23:16  
Blogger Udai Kapila said...

"they cannot ban the cars cause then how will the car agencies owners (locals)sell the cars , this bussiness runs in billions , millions ......"

i was under the impression that we all had access to the new tube technology, where anyyone could go anywhere like in the movie "Mortal Kombat"

anonymous... please get the sarcasm
*hint hint*

27 February, 2007 21:35  

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