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29 October, 2007

Kiss my assininity

Dr Al Kabban - surely the Horace Rumpole of justice in the UAE. The tale begins when some poor, innocent donkey (or perhaps onager, or even an abridged Assyrian) loving Filipino decides to advertise his passion on his car - and in a generous fashion too, inviting others to share in the love. Nonetheless, he rapidly finds himself in the dock on a charge of lewdness:

"The Public Prosecution charged the Filipino, J.J., with breaching public decency when he posted a 'kiss my ...' sticker on his vehicle windshield."

Step in the valiant Dr Al Kabban! Raising his sword of erudition and literacy, he slashes through the flimsy arguments of the minimalist-vocabularied prosecution:

The suspect hired Dr Al Kabban who told the Cassation Court: "The Appeals Court considered that '...' meant 'posterior' and tried our client as if he committed a lewd act in public without supplying any translation. Meanwhile, the word ... has different meanings, according to English dictionaries, such as donkey, dumb, stubborn or to ridicule someone.

"Al Mawrid English-Arabic Dictionary lists the same definitions. The Appeals Court also failed to ask the suspect whether he understood the sticker's meaning."

It is rather touching that Gulf News now finds itself unable to print the letters "ass". Despite the new era of media freedom so sincerely promised to us by all the many visionary dishdashes-that-be, this is actually a new piece censorship. For Gulf News has happily sprinkled asses around on plenty of previous occasions.

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Blogger Ammaro said...

thats pretty sad. uae is going down the drain with this crap; a more closed society day by day... saudi influence, maybe? because sometimes i catch bahrain turning into one of those too...

29 October, 2007 13:32  
Blogger Mita said...

Nice one - just what I needed to alleviate the monotony of the day!

29 October, 2007 14:07  
Blogger KJ said...


this is completely new now in Dubai! I hope they don't send secret agents after "princess on board"-tagged cars (you can find said tage in carrefour)

29 October, 2007 14:54  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It just shows that the UAE is a lawless dictatorship with archaic mindsets. Their minds are in the ark ages. Religious bigots ! Some of the bloody locals use such opportunities to harass expats!

29 October, 2007 17:26  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Glad I left that place some time ago. For all the hype and modern buildings the mindset of the people are backward. Too religious or pretend to be. What the locals need is a healthy dose of skepticism and reason in their daily lives. Religion is after just a tool the rulers use to control the masses. Do they still have ridiculous contests like memorising the Quran?

29 October, 2007 18:17  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

LOL! Can't digest this post....well it only shows how much the UAE has progressed over the period of time. So says the man of vision "if New York can have it why not UAE" ha ha ha.... I mean to say if the donkeys of New york......:-)

29 October, 2007 18:31  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What if I stuck Kiss my (_|_) instead of the word 'Ass', would I still be liable for prosecution & deportation?

media freedom - yeah right!

29 October, 2007 18:38  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Another option: How about putting it in French, Spanish, Afrikaans, German, Mandarin, Kiswahili, etc. – would that be a problem for the visionary dishdashes-that-be?

Great one SD, ROFL :-)))) After the 0.00** g of “substance”, I thought that nothing could shock me anymore.

29 October, 2007 19:10  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

you see the visionary people outta here are soooo facinated by that part of the body that no matter if the word "ASS" has more than five meanings they will always select the one that they love ;-)

29 October, 2007 19:27  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is just ridiculous. Maybe this guy is not the smartest cookie in the jar.

Nevertheless, prosecuting a guy for such a harmless thing is putting Dubai to shame.

I hope that this article goes around in the world. Well done Dubai, great PR.

29 October, 2007 22:21  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Of course it offensive. The complainer obviously saw some family resemblance.

And considering that kissing someone else's family member is against the religious and moral sensitivities of this wonderful region, it makes complete sense that he is being deported.

What I want to know is where are the lashes.


29 October, 2007 23:48  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What an utter waste of time. Are the court systems so neglected (i.e. is Dubai so "pure"), that they're reduced to policing bumper stickers?

This goes beyond upholding "morals," in society. This is fascism guised as religious doctrine.
Whatever happened to allowing a degree of individualism?

30 October, 2007 02:06  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think this guy is really stupid, why would anyone write something like that on his car anyways? Since he is Filipini I think he is most probably gay and wants to be in jail with sexually deprived men.

30 October, 2007 06:04  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

To the blogger above me, I sincerely hope you're being sarcastic.

It's disheartening to think people are that stupid.

30 October, 2007 06:23  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

* Gender: Male
* Industry: Religion
* Location: المدينة الفاضلة : United Arab Emirates

To the blogger one post above. Your profile says you are in the industry of religion? LOL.That is a very accurate description and explains your close mindedness.

30 October, 2007 07:24  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

@ 30 October, 2007 06:04

Why's your blog blocked?

30 October, 2007 07:41  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Exuae. The guy whom u posted his/her profile is the next Salman Rushdi! Arabic version though, lol

I read his/her blog. Its in arabic.
Claiming to be from UAE, and I guess from Sharjah (called as the honest city and the blog named after it but in arabic form). The name decieves you, cos the blog mainly about stuff against Islam and the prophet Mohammed. The blog cites sentences to look alike actual Quran verses but with contradictory meanings.

I have no further comments about it, cos each one of you has a mind of his or her own and can decide if its any good or just crap.

Regarding the thread topic, yeah I read it in Gulf news, and I remembered the episode of Top Gear tv programme in the US when they wrote some comments on their cars and they were about to be beaten by some americans. Though, I am sure they will not be prosecuted like in the case of the Philippino driver, but it makes me feel that freedom is somehow situational not absolute.

30 October, 2007 10:00  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks Anon @ 10:00 for taking the time to give us a short inside into complete madness.
By now homeland security should have opened a file and we should start searching for an appropriate code color in accordance with our profiling checklist.

(1) Fascist: yes (without a mass movement – yet)
(2) Religious Fundamentalist: yes
(3) IQ below 45: yes
(4) Potential for blogging terror: great

So, how about “yellowish”?

30 October, 2007 15:28  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I now have a sticker that reads "kiss my Donkey "

30 October, 2007 18:04  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well I guess he can now kiss his own ass goodbye from Dubai. I'd get pissed off having to read a sticker like that while driving, wtf.


30 October, 2007 19:13  
Blogger JT Sullivan said...

During a road trip to the South, we caught a glimpse on a beat-up truck’s bumper sticker that read ‘I’m with the Klan’. Fortunately, having read Steve Levitt’s take on the KKK in his bestseller ‘Freakonomics’, we just had a laugh and let him pass!

Had he known what kind of a redneck Klan ass he was, he’d stop right in the midst of traffic and rip that bumper sticker off his ass!

What’s so weird with ‘Kiss my Ass’? We've seen worse. Best thing to do is have a laugh and em pass!

30 October, 2007 19:33  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why not "KISS MY glASS" or "KISS MY ClOCK" OR "KISS MY BUTTer"...........these hypocrites are crazy......

30 October, 2007 19:35  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Once again we gert to look behind the curtain and see what Oz is really like. The public persona of a progressive, liberal country supporting human rights is shown to be a false one.

30 October, 2007 23:58  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

from comments above it if fairly clear that the world has two types of people : those who have been around, done this , done that, and can see a joke and humor. And then there are those iron underwear authoritarian dictators who do not know what a joke is, and expect all to bow and scrape the carpet for them- point to note, the sticker guy was caught not by the moral police, but by a local who had enough arrogance to ask him to remove the sticker (obviously since the philippino is a foreign slave in his country)

Many have established that Secret Dubai is a bitch, and people who write in bad stuff about dubai are all losers and whiners, They say in reality Dubai is a wonderful, world's largest, shining, most progressive, dream realising, equal opportunity, non racist society where expats are treated like gods.

Let us assume they are right. How do they explain this sticker story as a shining example of a progressive modern free country. It is not the large buildings that show the culture of a country, it is the small incidents that show how archaic,rigid and hypocritical Dubai is.

31 October, 2007 13:48  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

dubai cares? shyte no..DUBAI SCARES !

31 October, 2007 16:33  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why is everyone above assuming that the person who complained about the sticker is Emarati?

The GulfSnooze article clearly states, [...]Records said an Arab witness, S.S., saw the sticker on the suspect's windshield[...]
IIRC there are plenty of other Arabs in Dubai, and in my experience its them who are quick to dial 8004888 not the Emaratis.

31 October, 2007 17:24  
Blogger m said...

walaahi, this is bloody hilarious. Funnily enuff no one seems to bother all those whores on Naif road and those white chicks wearing the bare minimum in jumeriah beach. peak of hypocracy

31 October, 2007 23:43  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So if he gets raped for asking people to kiss his base, who should we blame ?

02 November, 2007 08:01  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


If you think that a mere sticker on a car bumper would be an invitation to rape then my dear you need to grow up. Try kissing your own "base" before you try someone else.. Add some humour to life and live longer!

03 November, 2007 19:03  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The likes of you should grow up and start thinking like an adult, instead of using stickers to get peoples attention.(We already know filipinos are 100% straight *sarcastic* )

If you don't wanna get deported, then you better respect the law and stop complaining.

04 November, 2007 08:07  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If the law is stupid, wrong and belongs in the middle ages, it does not deserve our respect.

04 November, 2007 08:33  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"A dictatorship with a softer touch"

No mention in the local press. Surprise, surprise.

04 November, 2007 10:52  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'd like to see someone go against the law in Europe, that's the same treatment you'd get.

Please drop the Middle age BS talk, no matter where you go you'll be forced to respect the law.

04 November, 2007 14:17  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just shows you how some of these expats were raised as the 21st century way - LOL

04 November, 2007 14:55  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've seen local kids get pulled over for using F word stickers.

04 November, 2007 14:58  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"I'd like to see someone go against the law in Europe, that's the same treatment you'd get.

Please drop the Middle age BS talk, no matter where you go you'll be forced to respect the law."

Lets shut up about comparing the Middle Eastern laws to others. The laws in thw west are more humane and you will never go to jail for stupid sticker.

And if a law is wrong it is wrong. Doesn't matter which country's law it is.

The question is not about respect, it is right or wrong.

Get your head out of your ass and learn to do and follow what is wrong and right even if it is against such stupid, intolerant laws.


04 November, 2007 15:46  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

ha ha ha @ "forced to respect the laws"?!??

Jus a wild thought! I know am not sexy. But if I had a sticker on my car that read exactly that, say “I am super sexy” will I be prosecuted for misleading the “innocent” general public? (in this case only the hunger stricken kandura clad for I am damn sure that they will be more curious to see who is inside the car and have a glimpse while driving risking their own lives and that of others too….you know the curious cats purrrrrrr)

Or will I be punished due to its content being inconsistent with the religious, cultural, political and moral values of the United Arab Emirates?? (hmmm sounds very ETISALATi)

You guys in a real revolution in your sharia laws. I am sure there are more hideous crimes to be dealt with in the country than the funny sticker on an expats car.

04 November, 2007 20:03  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Expats always come up with that stupid excuse, ooooh I didn't know how the law works in this country.

It's funny how most of you don't have the guts to pull a stupid move back in home and try to prove something over here.

Ignorants just keep on increasing.

How sad....

04 November, 2007 20:34  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Lets totally ignore that french boy who got raped by some locals and focus on some stickers.

great sharia law at work.

this place makes me throw up

04 November, 2007 20:38  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't understand the fuss about treating expatriates, who are the lifeblood of the nation, with a little dignity and respect.

"But what do you need a financial advisor for? Twenty years ago you had the highest Gross National Product in the world, now you're tied with Albania. Your second largest export is secondhand goods, closely followed by dates which you're losing five cents a pound on... You know what the business community thinks of you? They think that a hundred years ago you were living in tents out here in the desert chopping each other's heads off and that's where you'll be in another hundred years, so on behalf of my firm I accept your offer."

Syriana rocks!

05 November, 2007 08:07  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Expats are stupid starting with ASIANS that double cross house maids and trade them for money or getting them to work in a whore-house.

How cool is that ?

05 November, 2007 14:36  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

iight ,so the filipino getting in trouble because of that bumper sticker is absurd , on the flip-side all you mofo's hating on the very place where u continue to live inspite of having to put up with "law fromthemiddle-agesinadictorshipwithno freedomofexpression" should consider packing up and leave for where ever it is that ur enlightened behind belongs to.

Oh & before u go all abdul'el'loco on me,know that I'm not even from around there.

09 November, 2007 00:20  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Update to the French lad's story. The local press has finally decided to report on it.§ion=theuae

Interesting how euphemistic terms like "public manners" get tossed around.

09 November, 2007 06:56  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Concrete jungle law .what to expect

09 November, 2007 18:57  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The wheels of justice, UAE style.

29 November, 2007 06:44  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Who the hells forcing you to stay in Dubai if you dislike it so much? and why should an arab traditional country be accustomed to western obscenity? We are already pressured by the west to accept a lot of things for the sake of "you people", if we dont appreciate crude stickers on cars..atleast give us THAT fucking much!

15 December, 2007 15:29  

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