Kiss my assininity

Dr Al Kabban - surely the Horace Rumpole of justice in the UAE. The tale begins when some poor, innocent donkey (or perhaps onager, or even an abridged Assyrian) loving Filipino decides to advertise his passion on his car - and in a generous fashion too, inviting others to share in the love. Nonetheless, he rapidly finds himself in the dock on a charge of lewdness:

"The Public Prosecution charged the Filipino, J.J., with breaching public decency when he posted a 'kiss my ...' sticker on his vehicle windshield."

Step in the valiant Dr Al Kabban! Raising his sword of erudition and literacy, he slashes through the flimsy arguments of the minimalist-vocabularied prosecution:

The suspect hired Dr Al Kabban who told the Cassation Court: "The Appeals Court considered that '...' meant 'posterior' and tried our client as if he committed a lewd act in public without supplying any translation. Meanwhile, the word ... has different meanings, according to English dictionaries, such as donkey, dumb, stubborn or to ridicule someone.

"Al Mawrid English-Arabic Dictionary lists the same definitions. The Appeals Court also failed to ask the suspect whether he understood the sticker's meaning."

It is rather touching that Gulf News now finds itself unable to print the letters "ass". Despite the new era of media freedom so sincerely promised to us by all the many visionary dishdashes-that-be, this is actually a new piece censorship. For Gulf News has happily sprinkled asses around on plenty of previous occasions.