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01 April, 2008

The Actual World

Forget Saudi Arabia's mile-high architectural phallus, set to be twice the height of the Deathspire, Dubai has yet again trumped its neighbours:

Dubai to build The Actual World

Tues 1 Apr, 2008 1:23 AM GMT

DUBAI, 1 April (Reuters) - Faced with lukewarm celebrity interest in its The World artificial islands project, Dubai has decided to build The Actual World.

The multi-trillion dollar mega-project, believed to be largest in the known universe, will see a scale replica of the entire Earth rebuilt on the planet Mars.

The Red Planet was recently acquired by Dubai Holdings as part of its property portfolio diversification strategy.

Sheikh Jamal Abu Shagara, CEO of The Actual World, says a deal has already been signed with a Norwegian company to build a 250 million mile irrigation pipe to transfer water from the Arabian Gulf to Mars.

"We are also in talks with several companies to design the landmasses," Sheikh Jamal said.

"We plan to make The Actual World as exact a replica as possible, but Illegal Zionist Occupying Nations will be removed since they are blocked due to being inconsistent with the religious, cultural, policital and moral values of the United Arab Emirates," he said.

In an interesting twist The Actual World will be built with the climate of the Miocene era, when the United Arab Emirates was covered with rich jungle and mammoths, tigers and various dinosaurs roamed freely around.

The decision to backdate the climate is good news for the animals at Dubai Zoo.

After decades of overcrowding, the elderly lions and bears will be able to roam free in the hunting grounds and private menageries of luxury villas in The Actual World.

The announcement of the project has already excited interest in the subcontinent, where prospective labourers are putting up their wives and children as collateral against middlemen-loans for the $250,000 space flight and visa fees.

"This is considerable money compared to the $10,000 we pay to work in Sonapur," Bangladeshi labourer Shamsil told reporters.

"But on The Actual World we will be able to earn Dh500 a month minus food, accommodation, visa fees, fines, medical treatment and travel expenses, compared to the Dh400 we earn now."

© Reuters 2008. All Rights Reserved.



Comments

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33 Comments:

Anonymous mrs bean said...

excellent story. a world exclusive I believe?

01 April, 2008 10:03  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hilarious Secy [:d]

01 April, 2008 11:47  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That can't be true haven't seen it in GULF NEWS yet!

01 April, 2008 12:45  
Anonymous DJ said...

lol, you’ve gone a bit too far with it this year ya SD, what’s it going to be next year?

I remember your post on the same day two years ago. I think it was about an awkward sighting of a reincarnated Shakespeare in Jumeirah or something. It was hilarious as well.
Thanks.
DJ

01 April, 2008 13:40  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

you almost had me there...was reading on autopilot and believed every word of it including the bit about mars. only when i hit the pipeline to mars did the double-take happen! Just goes to show how little credibility is attached to anything that is written on or about Dubai, since everything is a PR spin!

01 April, 2008 13:45  
Blogger secretdubai said...

To be honest, I was just reading it back to myself shortly before your comment, and I found myself reading it as though it was real. Even though I only wrote it today, it seemed as though I was reading someone else's press release or article.

I think I've read one too many Dubai's! World! Biggest! First! kind of stories.

Anyway maybe this post will prompt some sheikh to actually attempt this. Oh - except none of them can read it of course, since I've been blocked as contravening sandland values ;)

01 April, 2008 13:49  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

did not realise you were blocked again. as for me, i got the hell out of Dubai and now live in a real country, unlike dubai which is patchwork quilt of cosmetic surgery. and one of the benefits is i get to access your blog.

the bit about asian laborers were hilarious. i should know that every bit written there is true, they are all from my hometown.

01 April, 2008 14:01  
Blogger nzm said...

Ah yes, but who will own the Martian Greater Tunb, Lesser Tunb and Abu Musa Islands?

01 April, 2008 14:19  
Blogger ammaro said...

oh brilliant, brilliant!

definite classic for the books, this one!

01 April, 2008 17:08  
Blogger Kyle said...

I hope they won't introduce the Etimarsalad proxy?

01 April, 2008 18:08  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

People seem to think this is a joke. Not in Dubai! I, personally, believe it.

And you need to add yourself to the tag to unblock Single-in-Dubai.

02 April, 2008 00:48  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey It's April FOOLS Day!

So is true that the Saudi has a small penis and that is why the Sheikhs are overcompensating- building huge Phallic towers and driving huge cars? Hmmm I always wonder if that is true?

Try building a Vagina Tower, or better yet an Asshole Tower!

02 April, 2008 00:50  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey It's April FOOLS Day!

So is true that the Saudi has a small penis and that is why the Sheikhs are overcompensating- building huge Phallic towers and driving huge cars? Hmmm I always wonder if that is true?

Try building a Vagina Tower, or better yet an Asshole Tower!

02 April, 2008 00:51  
Blogger Mansur said...

hi, this post is a classic. well done. i've left dubai after being there for 8 years, and am glad i can access your blog. keep up the good work.

mansur

02 April, 2008 04:32  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Glad to be able to access your website since i am not living in the sandlands. Please keep it coming. Tired of hearing: the biggest, the best, the most, the first, the tallest, the richest....

02 April, 2008 08:15  
Blogger halfmanhalfbeer said...

SD, fantastic! Another world exclusive on your great site, well done and keep up the good work.

You didn't say who the developer was but can only presume it must be Istith-mars.

HMHB

02 April, 2008 16:14  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

so when the saudi's do it, it is because they have a small certain something. but as for emirati's doing the same all the time, it must be cause theirs is too big :-)
for the foreigners there is no difference between these two, same behaviour, same cars.

02 April, 2008 16:57  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I personally think it's good that Dubai is beginning to diversify. Finally they've moved out of the overcrowded Earth and started to think outside the box. They are being very creative by using the universe's resources instead of just the Earth's, just goes to show that Dubai really is concerned about global warming.

On a more general note, the author of this blog must be infuriated instead of amused, for now Dubai is free to do whatever they want on Mars, legislative authorities will have more flexibility.

This could lead to dire consequences, there should be a prevention scheme for all people from the subcontinent to be disallowed from going to Mars, for they are unaware of how badly they would be treated if they were to go there.

We must also hinder their economic progress by disallowing all foreign cunt-ries to invest in this by letting everyone know that behind the facade Dubai is just a fascist regime.

We need a collective voice in order to prevent this from happening. Something that would intrigue the audience to listen, an entity that would shatter mainstream media and allow awareness to flow amongst the people.

My nearsightedness prevented me from finding a solution but now I have come to the conclusion that a blog would be to absolute answer. At first we could disguise the blog as a medium for us to vent out our frustration and it is essential that we gain our support from other people who share our discontent. Once our support gains substantial recognition then we can enforce our true potential.

It is true that this task will require all of our efforts, but I have hope that we can succeed, for a Blog is not only a place where people can discuss virtually the same issues incessantly, but it is also a symbol of uprising, and discontent. In honor of this post I shall name the Blog "Secret Mars".

I will keep everybody posted...

02 April, 2008 21:07  
Blogger Gargoyle said...

ha ha ha ha ha genius!

As someone else said here, I didn't even really do a double-take on the word "Mars". After all, if Richard Branson goes, can Nakheel be far behind?

I'm still laughing. I love it.

Also, all hail UAE Community Blog for providing the unblocked version.

02 April, 2008 21:37  
Blogger who is said...

hahaha...totally worthy of copypaste and send via email!

the farther you stick your tongue into your cheek the better the butter it seems.











PS. How long has this site been blocked in the Free ZOnes? Time to crack out (download) your tinfoil hats everybody, the grim keeper of the proxy cometh!

03 April, 2008 01:31  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hillarious and frighteningly believeable.

03 April, 2008 06:23  
Blogger Chrisss said...

Great blog...will visit again.

03 April, 2008 08:08  
Blogger Tys on Ice said...

u almost had me there for a second...

gud one!

03 April, 2008 14:27  
Blogger Trustfloor said...

I like this joke. Can I reprint it on my blog?

03 April, 2008 23:23  
Blogger secretdubai said...

Trustfloor - feel free! If you could link back to me that would be great.

03 April, 2008 23:45  
Blogger صلعم said...

Good one!

04 April, 2008 05:14  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi,
this isn't relevant to this topic: but I wondered, now that Tata have bought the Range Rover and Jaguar brands, how the sand landers would react if they were told that their Range Rover is, in its ownership at least, an Indian car.

04 April, 2008 05:22  
Blogger Sigourney said...

Fascinating.

05 April, 2008 08:38  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You do realise that "north of Jeddah" is the code word for King Abdullah Economic City... brought to you by our dear competent friends Emaar.

06 April, 2008 01:41  
Blogger Jayne said...

SD, this is an absolute classic - well done hon! :-)

19 April, 2008 21:28  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

very funny .. lol

the labor part got no justice though

Those workers dont get half of what they earn in their country and would not get a job anyways in any other country with their credentials. which is none. so that 500 is more than fair for someone who came on his own free will to this country then starts bitching about it.

Indians burnt 60 cars and destroyed buildings in dubai on a strike demanding a wage increase which they have recieved two months prior. Their case was taken to court and they lost , jailed and punished then deported. the entire mass of them.

27 April, 2008 17:01  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The living conditions of those workers are much worse in their country of origin and they come here starving , hungry and tired. so i cant even begin to understand why people who look at the uae from the outside in think they should be treated like some engineer or something with given luxuries.

27 April, 2008 17:07  
Anonymous dubai said...

I thought that teh World island is the top project for them.

10 June, 2008 13:12  

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