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02 January, 2004

More burqa porn

While others tuck into plum pudding and turkey schwarma, Lola LebCan's festive treat has been a taste of Emirati pornography, via a film called Jawahir Does Jumeira. Set in Dubai, with landmarks such as the Burj Al Arab in the background, most of the action takes place behind the conveniently high walls of a villa in Jumeirah.

A blacked-out window sheikhmobile turns out to be more than a pretty prop - rather a literal prop for some of Jawahir's more gymnastic contortions. "I think the star was actually Moroccan," Lola comments, "because her UAE accent was really dodgy."

Just a couple of emirates away, shock and awe in Ras Al Khaimah with the Invasion of the Pork Scratchings. Not only are these horrors flavoured with artificial pig, they also feature a pint of beer in the logo.

But even more disturbing is imagining the 20-year-old Syrian man who was (a) stupid enough to buy a packet of crisps without checking the flavour, and (b) pathetic enough to run sobbing to his father to get him to sort out the mess. Can there be another country in the world where 20-year-old men have to be described as "youngsters"?

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