Middle of Motown

At karaoke tonight in the very heart of Sheikhmohammedville - a video transcending any other ever made. Madonna's "La Isla Bonita" - so nano-sized was its budget, so limited the creative flair and talent of its crew, that the the Espana effect derived from a flamenco act at some variety club in what could only have been a grim ex-mining town in the arse end of north England.

Sadly the flamenco act was over well before the song, so the second half of the Spanish Lullaby featured Jim Bowen's grandpa with clip-on bowtie and spangled tux, backed by twin Widow-Twankies and a gay pride Buzz Lightyear.

All up, it was probably still more tasteful than Madonna's latest video.