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23 May, 2003

The Rules of misery

Times are tragic for Lola LebCan. The dearth of Dubai dating success has led her to invest in that self-help bible of the failed and desperate: "The Rules."

This is in fact some latest edition of the book, "The Rules Revisited." Good news for "mature daters" - anyone over 35 is lumped in this category - they are allowed to phone the man back, because their men are more "old and tired." And presumably more likely to pop their clogs before getting a chance to phone.

What a heartwarming read. "You may be bereaved, have blood pressure issues, your daughter may be going through a divorce, your husband may have left you, you may have had a brush with cancer. Be young, be happy!"

One reviewer on Amazon is more than happy to credit the vile treatise for all his relationship ills:

"This book explains why one of my ex-girlfriends sunk my boat, my ex-wife #1 emptied 200 gallons of heating oil in my basement, rendering my house un-livable for 9 months Ex-wife #2 crashed my car through a 7-11, (who said that women are better drivers) and wife #3 made false claims of spousal abuse and served me with an order of protection on me. It also explains why wife #3 was shocked when I served her divorce papers the same week. It explains why my ex-wife #4 burned my living room with candles. These were all attempts, on the female's part to force me to prove my persistent and genuine LOVE for her."

Or perhaps you were a sexist, abusive pig that drove four wives to display their persistent and genuine DISGUST? Either way, some big-haired man-hunting American lady is sure to soon to pick you up at an art gallery, deliberately never phone you, and secretly start planning wedding #5 while she pretends to be "busy and popular" on weekends.

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