Portrait of Durian Gray

Being flung from paradaisical Singapore back to the deserts of Dubai is like being cast out of Eden into the dust. The only serpent in this tropical wonderland was a mass of dark rainclouds incessantly snaking their way through the skies, spitting endless drizzle and squeezing out the sun.

It must now officially be noted that the notorious Durian fruit tastes far worse than it smells. The flavour is that of a rotting rockmelon - high and over sweet - with a liberal dash of cheap gooseliver pate. Add the oddly meaty aroma of contact lens deproteinising tablets, and there you have it. Vile beyond belief.