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19 February, 2006

Dubai Hotter 100

The glossip rag known on Dubai radio as "Acklan" (available at all Jumeirah hairdressers now) has yet again chosen 100 bores, has-beens and never-wases in a risibly titled "Hot 100" list. A tricky task indeed: limiting the Roll-Call of Shame to only 100 names - there are tens of thousands of similar dreary, trowel-make-upped wannabes out there.

Time then to present an alternative list. One hundred is boringly long to choose, so here are ten of Dubai's hottest people:

1. Lola LebCan
Lola defines hot. She also defines cool. Which is a paradox, but who cares?

2. Boys in blue
These guys are hot. They're hot because they work all day on building sites, in the hot sun. Very very hot. Possibly the hottest people in the sandlands. And they probably built your villa/apartment/palace.

3. Beach boyz
Who knows who these guys are? They're very probably some of the same boys above, enjoying the beach on their single day off per week. They wanted their photo taken, and they have far hotter, more genuine smiles than any of the frozen botoxed frights and smarmy slicked-backs in Acklan.

4. Dr Al Ka'abi
If only they were all like him. UAE labour minister Dr Al Ka'abi is an outstanding example of a politician committed to rooting out corruption and getting workers paid. They don't come much hotter than this.

5. Ibn Battuta
Love the mall, love the man. Without doubt the hottest-looking man in the UAE. Even being deceased, he's still infernos hotter than any of the dross in Acklan. Absolutely, utterly, smouldering.

6. Sharla Musaibh
Sharla is hot due to the immense warmth of her heart and the courage that burns in her. She has helped improve and even save the lives of countless dispossessed and oppressed sandlanders. Her work roasts the interior design, modelling and general media moronity of the Acklan posse.

7. Michael Faraday + friends
Not technically sandlanders, but certainly deserving of honourary citizenship. We would all be a lot hotter if it wasn't for these boffins and the invention of air conditioning. OBEs (Old Boring Expats) still remember with terror the "good" old days pre-A/C. Hot men with hot ideas.

8. Mohammed Alabbar
Hot-looking (no wonder they want him as a TV presenter), and extra-hot for putting the sandlands on the map with the world's tallest tower. Definitely a contender for the Hottest People list, at least until China builds an even bigger burj.

9. Life Pharmacy staff, DICC
First class customer service: if they don't have what you need, they'll deliver it from one of their other branches at no extra charge, within a couple of hours. All the men and women working at the DICC pharmacy are always polite, friendly, and incredibly nice. So hot, in fact, that they nearly make attending Dubai expos bearable. (But not quite. That would take intravenous morphine for the duration, followed by a six-month all-expenses-paid sabbatical in the Seychelles).

10. Men in RAK
Steamingly hot. No need to explain why.

Labels: , , , , ,

24 Comments:

Blogger secretdubai said...

SOME CHANGES - NO MORE ANON COMMENTS

Abusive comments are getting out of hand (and by this I mean obscene) on both sides of the argument. As a result, I'm disabling anonymous commenting, at least for now.

Blogger is free to join, so it doesn't prevent anyone from commenting. It just means that you need to sign up, which will give you a recogniseable identity.

This means that not only can people follow more easily who is debating with who, but troll commenters can be more easily tracked and reported to Blogger.

You don't have to give your names: you can use nicknames and pseudonyms. Apologies to the many polite, pleasant anons - both the dissenters and the assenters - but it has become necessary. The next step would be comment moderation, and I really don't want to have to do that.

18 February, 2006 23:19  
Blogger samuraisam said...

IT IS THE WESTS FAULT!

18 February, 2006 23:25  
Blogger grapeshisha said...

I am honestly surprised that neither Anon nor Balushi made the list.

18 February, 2006 23:42  
Blogger OzMonsta said...

Holy moley that last news article about the bangladeshi dude in RAK is scary.

19 February, 2006 02:11  
Blogger Papadose said...

What was funny was that everyone in the list seemed to host the best party in Dubai. One even went to the extent of saying that his favourite fashion extravagance was shopping for matching ties, hankerchiefs, socks and shoes. Wow. Im all for success but seriously this is scary. And enough of all the advice. Each of us have our own paths.

19 February, 2006 02:27  
Blogger Al Ain Taxi said...

Aklan- A mag about preeners read by preeners.

19 February, 2006 08:04  
Blogger moryarti said...

I would also include 'Delivery Boys (or men)' ..

These poor souls are the least paid, the most loaded with work, can't find a decent place to park, have to deal with traffic crap and the hot weather.

On top of all that, they always on the receiving end of extreme customer verbal abuse though its 99% not their fault that the order is late/wrong/missing or cold...

They are hot for always keeping their composure and staying cool..

19 February, 2006 08:57  
Blogger Balushi said...

Can someone please tell me How can I start posting in my Blog?????!!!

The thing is that Secy has been censoring me like hell but she leaves the stupid comments by Anons that disturbs us members.

I wanna write about a problem that is hunting me! I slept with my best friends mom... :(

I think we are falling in love.

I wanna tell this to my friend from my Blog.

19 February, 2006 09:48  
Blogger शक्ती said...

and the laundry guys. how they manage to survive charging just 1 dirham for a shirt is amazing.
they're my hot pick. for working in steamy conditions and not increasing their prices when all about them are, delivering neatly laundered clothes - on time.

19 February, 2006 10:10  
Blogger A Yahya said...

Why am i not on that list for simply just being 'hot'?

:(

19 February, 2006 10:32  
Blogger Gautam said...

Just posted the Bershka tag issue on my blog. Check it out and leave your comments.



Gautam

19 February, 2006 11:46  
Blogger mediahack said...

Glad Balushi's still around! Lol!

19 February, 2006 11:55  
Blogger snow white said...

Now this is one list I want to be on!!!! Perhaps I can qualify for SD's top 1025 next year.

19 February, 2006 12:33  
Blogger John B. Chilton said...

I'm hoping SD gives us her take on this one:

Salon owner taken for a ride with a 'royal touch' -
Dr Alka Kalra, Managing Director of Eduscan who also owns the Cindrella Salons, was compelled to follow the young man's manager to a hotel suite to get a bill of Dh7000 settled. The bill was for decking up seven girls from head to toe, who were brought to pleasure the man during the night at Le Royal Meridien Hotel.

The story would have been better if the more commonly used phrase, ladies saloon, was used.

19 February, 2006 12:51  
Blogger secretdubai said...

As if by magic!

I posted it literally nanoseconds before I saw your comment ;)

19 February, 2006 12:59  
Blogger Neglected-ism said...

Mohd Al Abbar is passe ;)

19 February, 2006 13:15  
Blogger the shadow said...

A few additions:

The shopkeepers in Karama who live at the limits of commerce, weaving labyrinthine mazes of hidden rooms in the heart of the city and braving shop closures and huge fines to bring us the fake Louis Vuitton, Gucci, Chanel and Prada we need.

The taxi drivers of the UAE...who work insane hours for insane people for peanuts. Bonus points for their noble show of solidarity with the colleague who burned himself alive.

The ladies of the night of Dubai...those true proponents of equal opportunity...whom everyone likes to disrespect publicly for alleviating their private tensions.

19 February, 2006 15:02  
Blogger aussie70 said...

i believe that the silent maids to be in that list

20 February, 2006 00:00  
Blogger aussie70 said...

SD , no need to apologise for disabling anonymous comments. There is no need for abuse and rude language. It is not a war of nations, it is a disscusion and people have to learn to express the opinions without being insulting . all the best , cheers

20 February, 2006 00:09  
Blogger CG said...

Abbar can come straight of the list. He is neither hot nor clever.

20 February, 2006 07:16  
Blogger sheikha cheryl said...

agreed. just lucky.

20 February, 2006 12:05  
Blogger trobriander said...

... and naturally the K9 friends. Btw. I heard they got evicted from their premises a few weeks back!!

20 February, 2006 13:24  
Blogger trobriander said...

@ शक्ती

Your Favorite Music list Is quite ‘ethnic’! Do you have any idea where to net-surf to down load them?

20 February, 2006 13:32  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i see a video coming out....featuring playback by mims ..this is why im hot :P

13 July, 2007 05:47  

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