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07 March, 2006

Misogynist of the decade

Oh dear. Just as we thought things were progressing for women's rights, out comes this glitteringly appalling comment:

"If every woman hit by her husband is encouraged to rebel, the sanctity of marriage would disappear from society."

Firstly, a woman leaving a violent husband is not "rebelling", she is trying to save her own life and quite likely that of her children.

Secondly, once a man hits a woman (or vice versa) the sanctity of marriage is already broken. Vows of love and support and unity have been violated. There is nothing worthy or sanctified about a hollow matrimonial sham of victim and abuser.

Thirdly, surely encouraging men not to hit their wives, and prosecuting those that do, might be a better solution to the tragedy of domestic abuse?

Labels:

24 Comments:

Blogger MuFi101 said...

Agreed, SD, views on this 1 gotta b gr8.

BTW, mR BaL maY HaV sM gR8 coMMeNTs

07 March, 2006 02:12  
Blogger samuraisam said...

evre1 rite ur comentz in txt!
it iz s0 co0o0o0oo0ol.

07 March, 2006 02:16  
Blogger Harsha said...

where'd Balushi's comment go?

07 March, 2006 11:32  
Blogger secretdubai said...

where'd Balushi's comment go?

I didn't think it was appropriate given the serious subject matter to have a post that generally mocked the situation and included homophobic comments.

07 March, 2006 15:39  
Blogger secretdubai said...

where'd Balushi's comment go?

I didn't think it was appropriate given the serious subject matter to have a post that generally mocked the situation and included homophobic comments.

07 March, 2006 15:55  
Blogger SIN said...

I don't think SD's posts are anti-everything. They just bring issues to light and let the people put forward their ideas. And if satire is something people don't understand, then please refrain from commenting on it.
As for the topic at hand, God bless women from such individuals who still believe that a woman is a secondary citizen of the world.

07 March, 2006 17:19  
Blogger secretdubai said...

balushi - you have your little jokes, and much of the time I leave them up. But this topic is not a laughing matter.

Your humour - if writing that women "deserve" violence was even supposed to be funny - was misplaced. That is why I deleted it.

07 March, 2006 18:36  
Blogger secretdubai said...

balushi, if you had actually read the post thoroughly, you might have spotted this:

once a man hits a woman (or vice versa)

As for this:

then she can talk about herself as how beautifull she is and all other females who are jealous of her

See if you can find a single flattering reference that I have made in this entire blog to my own personal appearance. I'll warrant there is not one.

You can decide for yourself whether I'm Jabba the Hutt or Jezebel. I won't be commenting either way.

07 March, 2006 18:47  
Blogger secretdubai said...

tobriander - some people have sadly been brought up with a victim mentality.

If people are in some sort of bizarre paraphilic relationship with a sub-dom domestic discipline thing going, good for them. But that's consensual, and part of adult play not anger.

07 March, 2006 18:50  
Blogger secretdubai said...

The family courts.

And for those to really work, you need female lawyers and judges as well as men. Otherwise it's hard to break through the cultural misconceptions that women "deserve" violence or that they should stay with violent men.

Generally, it's mainly men who hold these viewpoints. Typical oppressor:oppressed scenario.

07 March, 2006 19:17  
Blogger secretdubai said...

balushi - it's not about "women versus men - who is worse?" - it's about the fact that some people (mainly women, but also men) are trapped in violent marriages from which they cannot escape.

And as you probably know, in this country while a man can divorce his abusive wife in a few seconds with a triple talaq, a woman has to go through a lengthy and difficult court proceeding to do so. Even if she has been horrifically abused, she may not be granted it. She may lose custody of her children. Who may also be being abused.

And when we get a moron claiming that women trying to escape abuse are "rebelling", it makes one despair.

07 March, 2006 21:06  
Blogger Emirati said...

The UAEs judicial laws in every emirate but sharjah, DO NOT allow domestic abuse. Even if you catch your wife 'walking around' with another man.

07 March, 2006 21:09  
Blogger secretdubai said...

The UAEs judicial laws in every emirate but sharjah, DO NOT allow domestic abuse.

Wow - I didn't think any of them allowed it. It has just been my perception that even when abuse is proven, there is an effort that often goes beyond common sense to try to make the couple work it out, rather than grant a woman a divorce. ONE hit in a bit row maybe, but repeated violence? The chances of such relationship improving are minimal, even if the abuser goes for psychiatric treatment.

That Sharjah.... "allows" it... is just bizarre. It surely doesn't have a law saying it's actually ok?

07 March, 2006 21:14  
Blogger Emirati said...

And Balushi,

A Harlet is better thrown away like a ragdoll, than beaten. Youll save yourself the aggrivation and the tension.

07 March, 2006 21:19  
Blogger Emirati said...

The Sharjah police are a bit more lenient on wife beaters than other police departments. Our neighbor in abu dhabi just slapped his wife once, she called the police, they came with 4 cars and a caged truck for criminals.

07 March, 2006 21:22  
Blogger Emirati said...

Actually SD, legislation has changed a bit in favour of women. Now women can get faster divorces if they can prove the husband was an alchoholic wife beater.

07 March, 2006 21:26  
Blogger secretdubai said...

unjane - here is that article.

As a tip, try searching Google for Gulf News stories, they are all very well indexed there. For this one I searched "court of cassation discipline wife" - other times I search "gulf news [whatever]" and "gulfnews [whatever]" until I find it.

The only one I've never managed to find is the story on Sheikh Zayed and enviromentalism - "How green is my desert" - because oddly, the original doesn't seem to have had a story code.

Most of the Google hits are the old-style links that don't work any more, but if you know the date of the story and have the original link, you should be able to manually create the new archive location. Also GN does appear to now have a script that forwards most old links to new ones.

08 March, 2006 08:28  
Blogger al-republican said...

El-Zubeir:

The permissibility of hitting a woman by her husband that you talk of can be found in the Qur'an. Let me quote the verse for you:

...Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in (the husband's) absence what Allah would have them guard. As to those women on whose part ye fear disloyalty and ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (Next), refuse to share their beds, (And last) beat them (lightly); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them Means (of annoyance): For Allah is Most High, great (above you all). (Quran 4:34)

Clearly, the permissibility you talk about is ONLY if a woman is cheating on her husband and no other reason, but that! The Scripture speaks for itself, Sir.

You would be well-advised to read up Islamic law and the conditions which are allowed to women to leave their husbands and annul the marriage. You will see how much leverage there is for women who feel they shouldn't be in Nik'ah with a particular person.

As a lot of contributors pointed out, Islam places a lot of importance on family values and society. Divorce is a hated thing in Islam. As the famous hadith of Rasulullah (SAW) points out, amongst all the things that Allah has made PERMISSIBLE, the one he dislikes most is Divorce! It is always the courts priority to save a marriage and reconsile the differences between a couple.

On the other hand, you have societies where a man who caught his wife cheating on him with his best friend, took 200 snaps of them and sold them on e-bay for 4.99 pounds a piece and the pictures were all sold out in a few hours! E-bay says they don't find anything objectionable about such a transaction!

08 March, 2006 10:21  
Blogger Harsha said...

aaah traces of sweet revenge, anyways

are there any verses in the Quran for a woman being able to do the same to her husband, if he cheats on her (rather common, dont you think)

08 March, 2006 11:38  
Blogger al-republican said...

Harsha-

God didn't have to sanction a woman to hit her husband. That is a given anyways! :)

Take your utensils and CHARGE!

Cheers!

08 March, 2006 11:43  
Blogger al-republican said...

ElZubeir-

Sorry for offending you (although I am not sure how I ended up rubbing you on the wrong side?).

When you say:

Which leads me to my next point -- it surely means that it is based on suspecion. So, if you suspect your wife is cheating on you.. and cheating is defined at many multiple levels.. then you can beat her.. lightly.

I am sorry, but if there is suspicion, there is no beating AT ALL! In case of suspicion you have LI'AN. Would you like me to quote you the verse for li'an or would that offend you, too?

You seemed to have learned Islamic law from very unreliable and uncompetent institution (if you did at all).

For all those who are wondering what Li'an is, well then it is just a verbal oath taken by both the husband and the wife against whoever brings the charge based on suspicion.

Also, ElZubeir, you fail to see how Islam commands men to stick to their women even if they cheat on them. THAT is the Mercy of this religion, which teaches compassion and forgiveness even if the woman repeats cheating on her husband.

You really shouldn't take what I say personally because (1) I just exlpain our religions stand on an issue; (2) It was you (and this is not the first time either) who brought up the issue and dragged religion in the first place.

Be happy, Mr. ElZubeir, the commands and laws of Allah are for Muslims so if you dont like anything in it you may follow laws that please you :)

08 March, 2006 12:50  
Blogger al-republican said...

ElZubeir-

Fair enough, ElZubeir. I am sorry if I came out too hard on my posts.

Just to elaborate on the "disloyalty can be construed as anything", I would like to point out to the Asbaab an-Nuzool of this verse - meaning, the event/reason that led to the revelation of this Verse. Once that is clear, there will not remain an ounce of doubt that the disloyalty/ill-conduct (which, by the way, are not the correct english words) is about cheating.

But, for this, I will have to go home and consuult my books as I wouldn't like to give information without confirming it.

08 March, 2006 13:12  
Blogger Harsha said...

Elzubeir isnt the only one, I myself was immedietly reminded of the article I had once read in Gulf News - the one SD and unJane were mentioning, that Islam permits the beating of the woman if she cheats on her husband or has been unfaithful to him.

In Dubai, anything going on around you automatically drags religion into it. 90% of the laws here are based more on Religion than humanity or choice/concern for people.

08 March, 2006 16:57  
Blogger kingfisher said...

SD: brave post. Interesting comments from y'all.

Any one want to comment on the impact of psychological abuse that can exist in many relationships and marriages... not to mention what it does to the children in such unions? This type of abuse often precedes the physical type, and in many cases can be more harmful because it is harder to detect, prove and correct.

08 March, 2006 19:34  

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