The bald and the beautiful

Determined to share more fully in the Arabian experience, spinster schoolmarm Margery plans a final day of culture and tradition. The first move for the spinster schoolmarm is making the perilous journey from the Schwarzwald to Bald Eagle Point, Brazil. Surely such pluck will attract an oil sheikh or two?

But alas! There are none to be found in her second destination, the air-conditioned labyrinth of the Madinat Jumeirah, despite its highly authentic Arabian themepark flavour. Margery wanders, somewhat bow-legged, through the brand new ancient souq. Traditional Arabian souvenirs tempt her from all sides: toy camels dressed as ballerinas and Wild Wadi lifeguards, richly gilded mosque alarm clocks of finest factory plastic, and tinfoil khanjar daggers beautifully engraved with Arabic calligraphy spelling Made In China.

The third and final part of Margery's Arabian extravaganza is dinner at Mashawi, in the picturesque setting of Ibn Battuta mall car park. The food - as ever - is excellent, but sadly the traditional majilis-style outdoor shisha areas have been replaced with plastic chairs and tables, under orders of the general manager according to a waiter. No wonder that the white-robed sheikhs that used to frequent Mashawi are long fled.

And poor Margery must return a spinster once again, after yet another failed marital hunting trip.