"RIP Plane Victims"

It is impossible to know whether this post at Al-Emirati.com on the victims of the recent Air India disaster is intended to be some appalling attempt at humour or satire, but by every single measure it is absolutely beyond the pale:

Not really. Not only do I not care if the victims "rest in peace" but it seems to me that they are, rather, resting in pieces!

I am of course talking about flight IX 812 from Dubai to Balglapour (or some other hell hole, they're all the same) that recently crashed (click here)

I know I know. Mean, blah blah. The way I see it is as follows. The UAE is (about) 50% Indians, Something that I, and 90% of all other Emaratis see as a bad thing.

This plane, carrying Indians who live and work here, means that 160 indians that clog up the roads, cause accidents, fail code inspections at Indian restaurants, speak like this guy, and are a general drag on the security of the UAE, wont be coming back. That is a very GOOD thing!

I can only pray that this happens every week!

Sadly, we'll probably have 160 new VISAs for 160 new Indians issued in 3 hours... And the authority in charge of this will flaunt that, as if it's a good thing.

Mocking the victims of a plane crash disaster on the grounds of their race and glorying in their tragic deaths is simply inhumane.

In fact, it is evil.


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The dark side of Dubai

Probably the best article ever written on Dubai, by Johann Hari in the Independent. It covers everything from wexpats:

Daniel [a brain tumour patient] was arrested and taken away on the day of their eviction. It was six days before she could talk to him. "He told me he was put in a cell with another debtor, a Sri Lankan guy who was only 27, who said he couldn't face the shame to his family. Daniel woke up and the boy had swallowed razor-blades. He banged for help, but nobody came, and the boy died in front of him."

To indentured labourers:

He shows me his room. It is a tiny, poky, concrete cell with triple-decker bunk-beds, where he lives with 11 other men. All his belongings are piled onto his bunk: three shirts, a spare pair of trousers, and a cellphone. The room stinks, because the lavatories in the corner of the camp – holes in the ground – are backed up with excrement and clouds of black flies. There is no air conditioning or fans, so the heat is "unbearable. You cannot sleep. All you do is sweat and scratch all night." At the height of summer, people sleep on the floor, on the roof, anywhere where they can pray for a moment of breeze.

The water delivered to the camp in huge white containers isn't properly desalinated: it tastes of salt. "It makes us sick, but we have nothing else to drink," he says.

The work is "the worst in the world," he says. "You have to carry 50kg bricks and blocks of cement in the worst heat imaginable ... This heat – it is like nothing else. You sweat so much you can't pee, not for days or weeks. It's like all the liquid comes out through your skin and you stink. You become dizzy and sick but you aren't allowed to stop, except for an hour in the afternoon. You know if you drop anything or slip, you could die. If you take time off sick, your wages are docked, and you are trapped here even longer."

To Emiratis:

Sultan is furious. He splutters: "You don't think Mexicans are treated badly in New York City? And how long did it take Britain to treat people well? I could come to London and write about the homeless people on Oxford Street and make your city sound like a terrible place, too! The workers here can leave any time they want! Any Indian can leave, any Asian can leave!"

But they can't, I point out. Their passports are taken away, and their wages are withheld. "Well, I feel bad if that happens, and anybody who does that should be punished. But their embassies should help them." They try. But why do you forbid the workers – with force – from going on strike against lousy employers? "Thank God we don't allow that!" he exclaims. "Strikes are in-convenient! They go on the street – we're not having that. We won't be like France. Imagine a country where they the workers can just stop whenever they want!" So what should the workers do when they are cheated and lied to? "Quit. Leave the country."


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No dancing in Dubai

Farewell to dancing dishdashes and foxtrotting abayas, with the latest fatwa on fun in the sandlands:

Dubai - Playing loud music, dancing, nudity, kissing and even holding hands in public is considered inappropriate behaviour under new guidelines laid down by the authorities of Dubai, a report said on Saturday.

But wait... what about that legendary Gulf cultural phenomenon, the breathtaking choreographed display known as stickdancing?

An entire Dubai-tourism-video-producing industry falls on its knees and weeps.


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An Emirati's view

The opinion of local Dubai people - the native Emiratis - on Dubai's rapid growth is scarce compared to expat opinion. Partly it's a language issue, many of them probably express themselves more in Arabic than in English. It may be cultural in that they don't like to speak out. But one Emirati shares their view here:

A lot of us Emiratis feel this downturn is exactly what we have needed. The chance to finally slow down and see things as they are without the stink of greed distorting everything. To finally concentrate our efforts where it counts such as improving our schools and colleges, completing the metro, building a stable civil society, and a sustainable economy.

Here are the negatives that I feel the boom brought:

Pollution: I remember when one could see the Trade Centre as a little dot on the horizon when travelling from AbuDhabi to Dubai. Something no longer possible with the haze we have now
Prostitution: Before the boom, people would travel to South East Asia to get their sin fix and bring back AIDS. The only difference being the prostitutes are here, and all the nefarious enablers that goes with it. A great shame
Greed: Not an expat only phenomenon. It's weird when the only things some members of the family would talk about is money, money, money. This flaunting of wealth was once considered unseemly by most Emiratis.

Here are the positives of the boom:

Coverage: Dubai in the international media made us see ourselves from the point of view of others, and what was written usually contradicted our own self image
Culture Change: The boom added a measure of optimism to the somewhat pessimistic culture that is part of our birthright. Emiratis are working in sectors of the economy that before would have been considered beneath them.
Greater Efficiency and transparency in government: Yes, these are halting steps forward. I remember the hair pulling experiences I have had with Dubai government 5 years ago and how much more modern it is.
Metro: Can't wait for it to go live

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Expat wives

The intro says it all:

"Jennifer plays a wife whose husband moved the family to Africa, who was used to a relaxed, laid-back lifestyle, whilst Dawn plays a woman who lives in the United Arab Emirates, and is used to a nouveau-riche lifestyle just treating the locals with a racist stereotype."

Scroll forward about three minutes in for the real gems in this French & Saunders video. A sample:

"Pete... went off to a goat grab at Abdul's. And do you know what a goat grab is, Margaret? Have you heard of that at all? They all sit around all the men with big plates of rice and they just grab for bits of goat to eat. With their rights hands obviously because they wipe their bums with their left hands.

"What else can I tell you about the culture out there? Well, don't try to go into a church or a temple or whatever they call them in a bikini. So I did try and they wouldn't let me in. This bloke stopped me and I said: "I don't know what's wrong with you Abdullahwallah or whatever your name is, if it's because I've got my shoes on I will take them off." But he wouldn't let me in."


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Nice day for a mass wedding

UAE mass marriages are always a heartwarming story, given the ludicrous and vast amounts of debt so many other young Emiratis get themselves into over their weddings:

Abu Dhabi: Five hundred young Emiratis, from all seven emirates, will tie the knot in a mass wedding dubbed the "Emirates wedding", on Friday, at the Dubai World Trade Centre's Za'abeel ballroom.

The wedding, which is being funded personally by His Highness Shaikh Mohammad Bin Rashid Al Maktoum, UAE Vice President and Prime Minister and Ruler of Dubai, is being celebrated on the occasion of the second anniversary of Shaikh Mohammad's accession as Ruler of Dubai.

If only there could be a general mindshift to view overblown nuptials as tacky and profligate rather than socially desirable, then there might be more young couples embarking on matrimony unblighted by huge debts:

"The Institute for International Research, a UAE think-tank, puts the average cost of a wedding ceremony in the UAE at Dh300,000 – 50 times the salary of an entry-level government employee in Dubai."

So good luck to these five hundred sensible young people, and may their marriages be long and happy.

Happy New Year to the UAE's bidouns

Here's a new year's resolution for the dishdashes-that-be: how about granting citizenship to the thousands of people who have spent the majority of their lives in the UAE? Some of whom were even born there, educated there, entered the workforce there, and have never known any other home.

People like this guy, who wrote the following to Time Out a while back:

"I am so angry - and none of what you said applies to me. I have a heart full of pain, a head full of stress, and I am sick of a place called Dubai. I've been here so long that I am no longer a tourist - not a resident, not a citizen, what am I? Born here, raised here, haven't been anywhere else. Locals keep their distance because they consider me a resident, residents keep their distance because they consider me a citizen, but eventually I disappoint all. Solve that, Sherlock! It's really nothing to do with cheapness, ugliness or being too pretty. I am starting to believe it's something to do with "nationalism", which infects all who come here even when they were never patriotic."

All people are supposedly equal in terms of humanity or in the eyes of God or whatever, but apparently in the UAE some people are more equal than others.

The Consulate on the Creek

Down on the south bank of Dubai Creek, behind high white security walls and an oasis of palms, manicured lawns and little pathways lies the British Consulate. Many mistakenly call it the British Embassy, but it is in fact a mere consulate, and only occasionally becomes an embassy should the Abu Dhabi-based British Ambassador temporarily be present there.

There's a lovely sense of old Colonial times about the Consulate with its low-lying bungalows and the chipper British accents behind every counter. It must be the enormous charm of the place - certainly not the distant, grey and miserable land it represents - that lures such a long line of people every day to queue hour after hour in hope of a visa.

The Consulate is also a shining example of the wonderful multiculturalism that Dubai fosters. On its noticeboards are posted the banns of courting couples, hoping to marry in Dubai. How heartwarming to see that every "John Brown, DOB 1947" or "Trevor Jones, DOB 1952" has found a "Svetlana Molotov, DOB 1982" or "Ludmilla Kalashnikov, DOB 1986". It makes one quite proud to come from a land with such a blatant lack of xenophobia or age discrimination.

The rich man in his castle

Why is the Red Crescent having to help out Emiratis rather than the multi-trillion dollar rich-as-Croesus UAE government whose sheikhs and their multitude of wives and children must be bathing in liquid gold with oil prices currently close to $100 a barrel?

Dr Salah M. Al Ta'ei, Acting Secretary General said the nine branches in the country will identify the Emirati beneficiaries for the house renovation project.

"We concentrate in renovation or maintenance as the federal and local governments have been successfully providing new houses to the needy under various schemes."

Maybe rather than fitting out your next palaces with solid diamond windows and platinum taps, Sheikh Mohammed and Sheikh Khalifa, you'll instead consider putting a few fils the way of your needy population to buy blankets and curtains.

The Red Crescent can concentrate all its money on the needy in desperately poor, war-torn countries such as Palestine and Sudan.

It's a fucking disgrace that a charity is having to help out the Emirati population, rather than their own government.

No, I've never met a nice...

On such a day as this it seems appropriate to ask - why are South Africans, and to a lesser degree Scots, the only peoples so insistent on proclaiming their nationality on the back of their cars?

Death of a Souqman

Few things are sadder than the wanton destruction of history and tradition, and in the 21st century the loss of an old, working souq is inexcusable:

Abu Dhabi: Residents say they are nostalgic about the good things which the old souq provided and miss the exotic smells and the bargaining.

The old souq was knocked down more than one year ago and residents say they have mixed feelings of the 'mall culture'.

"People just roaming around the malls without purchasing anything," said one resident.

This is UAE culture that has actively, wilfully been trampled into the dust for the sake of lucre and "progress". When people complain that longer time residents of the sandlands - whether expat or resident - sound bitter or negative, this is why. Because the things that people loved and cherished in this country are being destroyed. Disneysouqs such the Madinat are zero compensation.

The silent sheikhas

While Sheikha Manal bint Mohammed's words on the education of women are encouraging, the fact that one of Sheikh Mohammed's daughters has spoken publicly is far more significant.

Most UAE princesses are completely anonymous to the general public, or play very low-key roles compared to their brothers. In Al Ain museum there is a large Nahyan family tree. It shows the names and photos of all of Sheikh Zayed's nineteen sons. But not one of his daughters is even mentioned, not by photo - fair enough because of cultural taboos about depicting women - nor even by name or number.

Sheikh Zayed was highly progressive when it came to women's rights and education, and his own wife Sheikha Fatima frequently speaks to the media through statements. So it seems all the more sad that his daughters are barely acknowledged: will history even know their names?

Wikipedia certainly doesn't, at the time of writing it didn't even mention Sheikha Fatima or even a "wife", let alone any daughters. Perhaps these women have greater presence in the Arabic language press, but it is sad that western media are not more aware of them.

Molten gold

"Sometimes we make a necklace with one kilo of gold for an Arab wedding, and this may take four days of work. Then one year later they return and they want to melt the necklace down again, the necklace we have made."

Manish, a Dubai jeweller, reveals the secrets of his trade. It seems to be going pretty well: the other week he sold a 10 carat white diamond to a middle aged British couple, for Dh455,000. It was made into a ring.

But Indians buy most of Manish's gold, and what they want is yellow gold, at least 22 carats. Manish's father has a factory in Sharjah where they even produce 23 carat gold, but it is too soft to do much with. "24 carat gold is like biscuit" he explains.

Indians place little value on heirloom pieces or antique jewellery, according to Manish.

"Many of them come in each year with all their gold, and they put some more money down, and they want it melted and remade into the latest fashions."

Does knowing that his craft will only last a season or two affect the fervour of the craftsmanship?

"Yes," Manish says. "Because when we make it we know that it will come back to us and be melted down again."

Fuming fools

In September 2004
They showed cigarettes the door
In just a fortnight
The fags were alight
And things were as fugged as before

In September 2005
They said that the ban would revive
But given their lies
No one was surprised
When eventually it never arrived

In February 2006
They were back to their fag-banning tricks
And once again nothing
Prevented the puffing
No laws, no ban and no fix

In May 2007
They yet again promised us heaven
At the end of the day
We know smoking will stay
Because they are gutless and craven

Ancient costume drama

DUBAI, 1 April (Reuters) - A team of British and French archaeologists working in Dubai, United Arab Emirates have unearthed ruins believed to date back to Shakespearean times.

Foundations uncovered so far include several Tudor-style cottages and a theatre believed to be a replica of the Globe.

Research leader Professor Pierre de Foutre of the University of Marseilles said several clues helped the team locate the Tudor settlement in the beachside suburb of Umm Seqeim.

"The modern name for the area is Al Wasl Road; this comes directly from its original name, Wassail Road, and there are even several well preserved Tudor houses," he said.

Dubai's minister for arts and culture, Sheikh Jamal Al Majnoon, said he was not surprised by the discovery.

"Dubai has a rich tradition of theatre and drama, far greater than Broadway or the West End," he said.

"We already have as many as two theatres and plan to increase theatre capacity 10% by 2050."

Volunteers at local historical society Jumeirah Archaeological Foundation have supplied the archaeologists with several valuable photographs dating from the early sixteenth century.

They provide a rare glimpse into the lives of Gulf Arabs in Tudor times, before the advent of oil and prostitutes.

Sheikh Jamal says the Globe theatre will be rebuilt once excavations are complete.

"We will open the new theatre with a gala night of stick dancing followed by a performance of Hair by the Sharjah Royal Players."

© Reuters 2007. All Rights Reserved.

"Electronic pimps"

"Farewell forever, Mother, I sent an SMS to a vulgar TV channel and have just triggered the apocalypse."

Forget Iran and the Mad Mayor's nukes, the greatest threat to the UAE's national security is interactive TV channels, according to Dubai Police Chief Lt Gen Tamim in his speech "Negative Media threaten National Security":

The police chief warned that if they are not stopped, "every house will lose a son, every mother will lose a daughter, and every house will lose stability. Media ministers and Arab rulers must take up the issue of interactive TV channels."

He said there is a "psychological error" in the minds of the group of people who run such channels, as they do not mind spreading corruption in the society with the aim of destroying it. He said anyone who sells his beliefs, religion, reputation, family and himself, finds it easy to sell his country.

One small SMS for man, one giant treasonous societal meltdown for sandlandkind.

Cell Block G is happily unpolluted by such televisual perversions, having no satellite dish nor cable nor TV aerial. But God forbid Lt Gen Tamim ever stumble across the internet in his quest for purer morals.

Ladies of learning

The training of 200 women preachers in Dubai is extremely encouraging and significant news.

DUBAI — More than 200 women preachers have attended a two-day training course in preaching. Organised by the Dubai Department of Islamic Affairs and Charitable Activities, in coordination with Manahil Al Khair Islamic Organisation, the course was aimed at enhancing the performance of the women preachers to spread Islamic teachings.

A similar move is underway in Morocco, where the Mourchidat are considered to be crucial in the fight against extremism. There is excellent precedent for this in Islam. The prophet's wife Aisha is considered to be one of the first and most important scholars of Islam, who taught both men and women about the prophet's life and words.

Dubai paradoxes

The expectations are often the reverse of reality.

1. Dubai is roasting hot
Take an overcoat: most of the time is actually spent freezing to death in glacially over-airconditioned offices and shopping malls.

2. Women have to cover
Nowhere else in the world do women wear sluttier clothes even in the workplace than in Dubai: skin tight jeans, plunging lycra, shoes that the wildest London fetish club would baulk at.

3. People speak Arabic
Hardly anyone speaks Arabic: as witnessed tonight by a poor, presumably diabetic Arab man struggling to communicate in English with a Filipina as to whether there was sugar in an (English labelled) soft drink.

4. A dry, desert city
Humidity reaches nearly 100% in Dubai in summer because it is coastal, and the condensation actually irrigates the desert, so the dunes are covered with clumps of plants. In interior and mountainous regions it is much drier, and the desert is barer.

Farewell, Darwin

The gulf between UAE public education and private education widens just a little more:

"According to Abdul Qader Eisa, Senior Supervisor of Biology at the Curriculum Development Centre in the Ministry of Education, the evolution theory is included in the curriculum for Grade 12 pupils in public schools but will be removed for the next academic year.

"Private schools are permitted to address the subject as a scientific theory only without rejecting creationism."

Leaving the doors wide open for some crackpot like Turkish creationist Harun Yahya to step into the void:

Harun Yahya aims to correct the "illusion of the evolution theory, especially since all over the world you can't find any academic material that is based on the fact of creation in the education system," Eti said.

Abul Hasan Al Masu'di and all your brethren: weep in your graves. "Modern"-day morons are trampling over your legacy.

Historic houses

According to rumour, the beautiful Bastakia area by Dubai Creek, with its traditional windtower houses and shady courtyards, has Prince Charles to thank for its preservation. While visiting Dubai some years ago, Charles allegedly expressed such horror at learning of the Bastakia's impending demolition that an order was made to save and restore it.

Since then the Bastakia has become one of Dubai's greatest cultural success stories. The extremely picturesque area is popular with tourists and filmmakers wanting to capture "Old Dubai". It is also an important legacy for future generations of Emiratis.

Now a law is being passed to save other historic buildings:

"Once the law is passed, which is expected in a couple of months, no one will be able to make any change to, or demolish any historic building in the country," said Rashad Al Bukhash, Director of the Projects Department at Dubai Municipality and Chairman of the UAE Architectural Society.

Any building constructed before 1960 comes under the category of historic building in the UAE. There are a total of 1,200 historic buildings nationwide.

The fact that "historic" means pre-1960 is a reminder of just how young the UAE is. But no matter how many Madinats, (as yet unbuilt) "Old Towns" and Lost Cities one builds, they can never replace real heritage.