Jumbo camel jet

Forget the Airbus A380s, Dubai's national airline has a much more exciting way to fly:

Camel flies high over Dubai

Wed 1 Apr, 2009 1:23 AM GMT

DUBAI, 1 April (Reuters) - Emirates airline will put 50-metre high aerodynamic camel humps onto its aircraft in a $30 billion rebranding.

The airline is adopting the camel, the national animal of the United Arab Emirates, as its official corporate symbol.

Airbus engineers have worked closely with Emirates marketing team over the past nine months to design the extensions.

Emirates executive vice president of marketing Jamal Al Majnoon said the move was a "perfect synergy" for the airline.

"The camel is the ship of the desert and the aircraft is the ship of the sky," Mr Al Majnoon said.

"Qatar Airways has the oryx and Gulf Air has the falcon, and Etihad will soon have the desert hamster, so we are adopting Arabia's most noble animal for our own airline," he said.

Airbus senior director of engineering Frederic Fouchameau described the move as "an exceptional feat of aviation dromedisation".

Other world airlines are believed to be considering similar redesigns.

Air Astana is in talks with Boeing to improve on Emirates' design by creating a two-humped, bactrian aircraft.

But some of the construction workers at Dubai airport who caught an early glimpse of the redesigned planes are unimpressed, including indentured labourer Shamsil.

"What is the use of putting the camel's hump onto the plane?" he said.

"For it to be interesting and useful, they should have included the sensitive parts of the camel."


(Reporting by Fitz Lodd; Editing by Laila Smith)

© Thomson Reuters 2009. All Rights Reserved.


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The Lulu mermaid

Sadly, Abu Dhabi's greatest contribution yet to cryptozoology and marine biology is just an email hoax according to Gulf News. An cyber-missive is circulating showing pictures of an apparent mermaid found on Lulu Island:

The Environmental Agency-Abu Dhabi, in a statement issued to Gulf News said: "Mermaids do not exist and never have done according to scientific record.

"They are mythological so it would be impossible to have a real mermaid. The photograph is clearly a hoax."

Given her looks the Lulu mermaid is going to need an exceptionally beautiful voice to lure any dhow-sailors onto the rocks. She'd have far a better career chance as an extra in Doctor Who than as a seductive sea siren.

Next week: Dubai Scientists Discover World's First and Largest Yeti in Hatta. Stay tuned.

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The Beast of Badiya

Something is munching sheep on the East coast. Is it:

(a) a mountain lion
(b) an (extinct) Arabian cheetah
(c) a wolf
(d) a lost mountain tribe of sorcerors
(e) a blood-sucking vampire-like creature

The smart money's on the latter. In other news, a judge has denied Dubai the chance of holding a trial more momentous than OJ Simpson or Lady Chatterley. The magic bullet-proof onyx man has got six months in Al Slammer:

In a lively court case, the guilty man’s lawyer asked the judge to allow a test to be carried out, where the defendant would have worn the onyx and been shot at to test its powers. The judge refused.

Animal hellfare

Anyone surprised?

Dubai: Animals cramped in Dubai's small zoo will continue to suffer as construction of a new bigger zoo has once again been delayed, Gulf News has learnt.

But those animals should be glad they only suffer cramped conditions. At least their accommodation isn't flowing with rivers of sewage, and they are not forced to build concrete tower blocks for minimum wage in the blazing sun. Yet.

Come 2010, expect to see abras replaced with eco-friendly dolphin-powered engines, chimpanzees and orangutans becoming an ILO-friendly replacement for the boys-in-blue on construction sites, and zebras and giraffes running up and down Sheikh Zayed Road pulling low-carbon emission chariots. With Dubai's staggering commitment to animal welfare how could one expect anything less?

A spotted cat story

A man who ran a small antiquities shop in the UAE decided to support the Arabian Leopard Trust by putting up one of their stickers on his shop door.

A couple of days later, an Afghani staggered in lugging a great sack over his shoulders. He opened it up and brought out a freshly slain leopard skin.

"You buy?" he asked the antiquities seller.

"No I bloody don't, get that out of here," the shopkeeper told him.

The Afghani man looked puzzled. He pointed at his leopard skin, then pointed at the leopard picture on the Arabian Leopard Trust sticker, then back at his leopard skin. "You buy?" he repeated.

After he finally got rid of the Afghani, the antiquities seller took down the sticker and has not replaced it.

Puppy love?

Could this be an answer for the many beautiful "desert dogs" currently languishing in animal shelters?

Reading, London: The first Saluki racetrack will be set up in Abu Dhabi within the next two years as part of the Emirates' bid to promote its national heritage, said officials yesterday at an international event held in the UK.

"A standard racetrack will be constructed that will meet the international standards, as we aim to hold international race competitions for salukis," said Hamad Ganem Al Ganem, Director, Breeder and Registrar General of the Arabian Saluki Centre.

Hopefully if salukis become more iconic as a symbol of UAE heritage, more families will want to own them and be less likely to ill-treat them and abandon them to the care of welfare workers.

But if racing does start, it needs to be done responsibly. This means strict drug-free policies with extensive tests and checks, and also a policy in place for retired dogs. Having worked in a veterinary surgery and witnessed perfectly healthy greyhounds euthanased just because their peak racing days were over, it would be horrific to see a similar fate befall ex-racing salukis.

Puppy unlove

Dubai police do a lot of good work, but why must they come out with these sweeping statements?

"Dog fights are not happening in the country. They are prohibited," said Lieutenant Colonel Khalil Ebrahim, Deputy Director of Criminal and Investigation Department (CID).

Rape is prohibited. Murder is prohibited. Theft is prohibited. Yet they still all happen, which is presumably why we have the police force in the first place.

The fact is that illegal dog fights do happen in the UAE, as they probably do in just about every country worldwide. There's a reason that K9 executives lie when they get phone calls asking for "big dogs like Dobermans" and say that there aren't any. Because animal welfare workers are only too aware what people want such dogs for:

The police officer was responding to allegations by a disgruntled smuggler who said Pit Bull Terriers and other ferocious dogs are smuggled here at exorbitant prices for illegal dog fights. The smuggler, who did not wish to be named, said dog fights occur regularly in the winter.

He said the dogs are trained at certain desert sites where they are allowed to kill donkeys and other animals, the smuggler said. "They attack the throat," he said, and added that the dogs only attack children and other animals, never any adult human being. "The strength of their jaws is incredible," he said.

These dogs get stuffed with drugs and steroids, horribly maimed in fights, and are usually dumped somewhere in the desert when their fighting career is over. The lucky ones end up at K9 Friends and get re-homed into families. The rest die or are euthanised due to the seriousness of their condition. The new UAE anti-animal cruelty law cannot arrive too soon.

Tigers, tigers, burning bright

A ray of hope for two of the crowded, caged inmates of Dubai Zoo:

The tigers, the national animals of India, were transferred from Dubai Zoo almost one year ago and live within a 420-square-metre, air-conditioned compound with tempered and bullet-proof glass at the 180,000 sq ft headquarters.

A worker at Dubailand said: “The enclosure was built to ensure the highest quality of living for the two tigers, who are brothers aged four and five. We pop around to see them most mornings. They are really beautiful and seem very happy.”

Sadly it doesn't look like the other zoo inmates are in for similar breathing space:

"There are no plans for any more live animals to be kept there."

Why not? How hard would it be to build a couple more temporary enclosures for the other big cats, the giraffes, and those great big sad brown bears?

Wag the dogs

Sometimes miracles happen and in this case, the lives of several hundred dogs have been saved:

Dubai: The Dubai Government has offered K9 Friends a lifeline by providing land to build a purpose built dog welfare shelter, said Jackie Ratcliffe, the group's chairwoman.

"We received a telephone call from the Dubai Government office at 11am on Tuesday and by 4.30pm it was all done. The new shelter will be located in Al Quoz and will be funded by the Dubai Government," said Ratcliffe.

Dubai has many wild dogs, many of them beautiful, silky "desert dogs" that are all or part Saluki. But there are always more animals than willing homes. Those that would love a faithful friend but are not allowed pets, such as inmates of Cell Block G, can sponsor a dog instead.

Runaway cRAKodile

Only in rocky Ras al Khaimah could there be widespread panic over a baby reptile about two foot long. It all began when a pet croc escaped from its pool, and was spotted on a beach some distance away:

[UAE national Fahd Abdullah Juma'a] said the first MMS pictures of the baby crocodile roaming the seashore in Al Rams, 20km north of Ras Al Khaimah, began circulating last week.

Soon, SMS messages began circulating with claims of people sighting several crocodiles in the area, spreading fear among the public. For two days the beaches of Al Rams area were deserted.

So much for CITES: apparently one can buy a smuggled African crocodile for just Dh300 in RAK pet shops. According to Fahd, several RAK residents keep five-metre-long crocs on their farms.

Now when a few of those creatures escape, then the fun will begin.

Camel catastrophe

Many sandlanders drive in a sense of fear along desert highways such as the Hatta road, in case a stray camel runs from behind a dune into their car and dies. According to expat urban legend, a camel costs twice the blood money of a human (which is Dh200,000), and it is always the motorist's fault.

Not quite true, going by this recent court case:

"A UAE national was fined dhs400 for running over a camel in an accident in Ras Al-Khaima, a report said. RAK traffic court fined the 28-year-old man, identified only as MM, for killing the camel and allowed the owner to file a civil case for compensation, Al Bayan reported. The man was driving his car recklessly in October when he hit the camel. The camel’s 61-year-old owner was fined dhs200 for failing to look after the animal."

While it's possible that this was a prime racing camel worth several million, chances are the final tab will come in at significantly less than 400k. Which frankly should be split between the motorist and the owner, if he was also judged negligent, but the vagaries of UAE law are generally beyond mortal understanding.

Shaggy dog story

An associate relates a rather disturbing anecdote concerning a prominent, much reviled dishdash, who we'll refer to as Bin Jamal. The story starts with Bin Jamal racing down the highway at breakneck speed with his beloved dog in the front seat.

Unsurprisingly, there was an accident, the car flipped, and Bin Jamal lost consciousness. His minions rescued him and took him back to Dubai, and as soon as he came round, he demanded to know where his dog was.

"You left the dog out in the desert!" he accused them.

"Sir, he wasn't with you, he must have run off after the accident."

"Go get him immediately!!!"

So they did. They found the poor pooch wandering around near the crash site and brought him back to Bin Jamal, who immediately began beating the poor animal senseless, screaming: "How dare you leave me to die like that!"

Bin Jamal then demanded his minions take the dog outside and shoot him, which of course they did.

Strange neighbours

What need of premium hi-fi equipment and ipods, or expensive pop concert tickets, when a regular performance of tone-deaf Frank Sinatra karaoke wails down from the cell above?

The unseen, unmusical inmates are a mysterious lot. When they are not engaging in what sounds suspiciously like carpentry (at least twice a week) or moving furniture at 3am (at least thrice a week) their very unlovely night-time concerts begin.

But it could be worse. Pity the poor neighbours of this vile, inhumane individual who has imported five lion cubs and a cheetah, ripped out their claws and filed down their teeth, and is keeping them cooped up in a one-bedroom flat in tiny cages:

He said the big cats were not for sale. "From childhood I have loved animals and I have always collected them. I cannot sell them and it is very difficult to find buyers anyway. I keep them for myself," he said, unable to tell Gulf News how much a cub costs.

So don't import them in the first place, you selfish cretin. There are plenty of homeless, tame animals to adopt. Go and visit the big cats in the Sharjah wildlife park, and make a donation to the conservation programme. If these poor, maimed, caged beasts one day rip you to shreds, it will be the least you deserve.

Pussies galore

7Days displays its deep love for the French, in an article charmingly titled "Beware of the cat people":

"According to Dr Jaroslav Flegr of Charles University in Prague, victims of toxoplasmosis undergo weird personality shifts. Men become jealous and abandon personal hygiene. Women become promiscuous. And, in chilling confirmation of his theory, toxoplasmosis is indeed absolutely rife in France (where 85 per cent of the population are exposed)."

Could it be, in fact, that the problems with the sandlands youth of today are not due to the evil influences of pop music, but because people are coming into contact with too many stray pussies?

On the birdwalk

Forget Ascot, for the ultimate in stylish headgear there is only one place a bird can go. To the Nad Al Sheba veterinary boutique, where tiny, exquisite helmets featuring ornate plumes and hand-crafted leatherwork sell for hundreds of dirhams.

Go online and the designs become even more elaborate, as prices rocket into hundreds of dollars. Does a falcon know if its hood isn't the latest, most expensive model? Can it sense the scorn from other other birds, and be distracted from catching its prey?

Sadly, these beautiful avian hoods only fit larger birds. The thimble-sized head of Pippin-the-tiny-green parrot remains bare and unadorned.

The wolf-boy of Jumeirah

If the Arabian wolf seen at Jumeirah Islands turns out to be the real deal, it could be an encouraging sign for the sadly endangered species. A thirteen-year-old boy has managed to befriend it, let's hope he manages to get a photo:

"People are making a big deal out of nothing. The so-called ‘wolf’ is scared of humans and I don’t think it will hurt anyone," said Daniel Sealey told 7DAYS. Daniel first spotted the wolf last week when he took his dog out for a walk. He says that the animal is friendly and plays with his dog, but runs off the moment it sees any humans.

Much of Arabia's wildlife has become extinct or highly endangered due to hunting, development, pollution, and the usual ills of humankind. The Arabian wolf hasn't been seen in the UAE since the 1980s. But the good news is that its population has increased significantly in Oman, due to a ban on hunting.

Wolves can travel 60km a day, so it shouldn't be long before a few more of them are repopulating the sandlands.

Mammoth monstrosity

Interviewing a Sri Lankan tourism exec about his country's attractions was fascinating: it is clearly a lush, beautiful place rich in culture and history. Of particular interest was the elephant orphanage or "transit home", which helps raise and rehome small beasts separated from their herd:

"And eventually, once they have grown up enough, they are returned to the wild in Udawalawe National Park. There are normally between 15 and 30 elephants, between 3 weeks and 4 years old, at the facility."

Tourists and animal lovers can visit the elephant home, meet the orphans, and donate money to help conserve the noble pachyderm.

But why bother? For Lo! and on the eighth day, an elephant-shaped hotel was created at Dubailand. Along with three Taj Mahals, two Eiffel towers, and a Pisa-tower in a fucking pear tree.

Good things come in threes

Congrats to a very special spring baby - a newborn camel in RAK:

Three-headed camel born in UAE

Thu 1 Apr, 2006 1:23 AM GMT

DUBAI, 1 April (Reuters) - A three-headed camel born in Ras Al Khaimah, one of the emirates making up the United Arab Emirates, has been described as a "miracle" by its owner.

The camel, a female named Thalatha, the Arabic for three, was born two weeks ago on a farm near the village of Khatt.

Owner Saeed Hassan is charging AED5 (approx USD1.25) to people wanting to see the animal.

Local veterinarian Khalid Al Muntaqa has examined the unusual calf and says it is good health.

"Each head is fully functional, this is unusual for these rare animals do not usually survive," he said.

South African expatriate Sally Koenke drove from Dubai with her family to see the three-headed calf.

"It's amazing, we've read of these things happening elsewhere but never in the UAE, it was well worth the trip," she said.

But some visitors were disappointed, including Bangladeshi labourer Shamsil.

"They told us it had three sets of sensitive parts. But it has three heads, what is the use of that?"

© Reuters 2006. All Rights Reserved.

An udderly tragic affair

The first hot contender for the Tragic Romance of 2006 is submitted by Kretin Times:

FUJAIRAH — A Bangladeshi labourer allegedly turned into a wild beast after dashing into a cattle pen and sexually assaulting a cow. He was detained and referred to the court, which sentenced him to six months in jail to be followed by deportation.

Court records showed that a national heard abnormal sounds coming out of his cattle pen. When opening the door and checking, he found a Bangladeshi labourer, identified as M.Z., sexually assaulting a cow. He took hold of him and called the police. The man, who was arrested, admitted to his crime, while the cow was sent for medical examination.

God forbid if that poor cow is found not to be a virgin: she'll face the death penalty like last year's comely camel.

Three lost friends

1. Lail
Lail was a tiny black alley-kitten, tamed slowly with food to become astoundingly responsive and affectionate. She appeared instantly when whistled for, and fled from strangers unless introduced. Lail slipped away to bear her second litter of kittens in February 2003, days before the migration to the Gulag. She, or her offspring, may inhabit those dusty alleyways still.

2. Moon-Cat
Moon-Cat was a dainty, black-and-white Pierrot-faced feline who lived in the bushes around Cell Block G. Already tame, perhaps someone's rejected pet, she bore several litters of kittens, suffering at least one terrible tragedy:

"Moon-Cat stands over the lifeless fur, nudging it and yowling, trying to make it move. Eventually a neighbour removes it from her and gives it as dignified a dustbin-burial as possible. Moon-Cat spends the rest of the day searching for her dead cub, confused and distressed."

Moon-Cat disappeared in early 2005, at the same time Gulag authorities announced a plan to "deal with the problem" of feral cats. A couple of her wild children, now grown, are occasionally seen flitting through the undergrowth.

3. Cloud
Visitors to Jebel Ali Cloob will remember Cloud. She was a shy but affectionate, fluff-haired animal, the colour of dark wood and smoke, who wandered around the restaurant terrace. Beloved by many, she was a clean and quiet animal that children loved to pet. Cloud vanished in 2005, after alleged complaints - "the local people, they don't like cats" one waiter confided. He claimed the municipality rounds up cats and "releases" (=dumps) them somewhere around Al Quoz, rather than euthanases them.

A shy, sweet animal such as Cloud would die a thousands deaths in an arid, friendless wilderness: it is unlikely she lives still.