Sun, sea and sewage

A few years ago the waters off Dubai were like a lovely warm bath. Swimming was a wonderful experience, at least for people who don't enjoy having to break the ice before they dip a frozen toe in the dark and ominous English Channel. On Midsummer's Day.

For some reason, the habit of going to the beach rather died away. Even the urging of bronzed beach-goddesses like Lola Lebcan didn't raise its appeal. Maybe a sunset stroll to take photos of the Burj, once or twice a year. But no more sunbathing, and certainly no more swimming.

Perhaps it was the dredging for the Palms that ruined the oceans. Not just because it fouled up the water with sand and fine particles, but because it stopped them being an endless mystical stretch of water as far as the eye could see. Now the sea was just a sort of inlet or lake, a sad sandy pond. The real Gulf now started the other side of the World's Biggest Man-Made Artificial Sand-Dredged Islands (tm) all rights reserved to His Majesty's Vision Inc (tm).

Anyway we've had this latest story before, last year on the BBC in fact. But now The Times has picked up on the fact that Dubai isn't quite the unspoilt virgin eco-Eden that Nakheel's vast hordes of paid "ecologists" and assorted "environmental scientists" like to promote:

"A noxious tide of toilet paper, raw sewage and chemical waste has transformed Dubai’s most prestigious stretch of shoreline into a foul-smelling health hazard.

"A stretch of the exclusive Jumeirah Beach - a magnet for Western tourists and home to a string of hotels - has been closed. “It’s a cesspool. Our tests show too many E. coli to count. It’s like swimming in a toilet,” said Keith Mutch, the manager of the Offshore Sailing Club, which has posted warnings and been forced to cancel regattas. The pollution is a blow to Dubai’s reputation as an international holiday destination offering almost guaranteed sunshine and clear seas."

The good news for Dubai is that the sort of tourists who flock in on cheap Emirates deals and hang around the Jumeirah Beach Hotel with their tattoos, guts and lycra on grim and sweaty display are probably not Times subscribers.

The bad news is that like everyone else in the world, they're probably about to lose their jobs, homes and savings if they haven't already. Meaning even a weekend in Weston-Super-Mud or Whitley Bay is going to be beyond the budget, let alone The Arabian Effluent Experience.


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Dubai gossip

Dubai's infamy grows, with everyone's favourite sandy city scoring a mention on Gossip Girl:

"I hear you got intro a spot of trouble in Dubai."

"Did you stay at Burj Al Arab?"

"No, I stayed on Palm Island."

"Well I think Dubai's totally overrated."

And apparently they went pheasant hunting with the sheikh during their stay in the sandlands. Good news for the critically endangered houbara anyway.

A Dubai fairytale

"Mysteriously veiled women flit below magnificent crescent-shaped archways while men in long white flowing robes sit by the side of the canal drinking Arabic coffee."

When exactly did this Sydney Morning Herald journalist visit Dubai? Their Souk it up article is dated 1st July 2007 but there is no way even a mad dog or an Englishman is enjoying al fresco hot beverages at this time of year.

Though perhaps heatstroke is the kindest explanation for such a fevered advertorial storycake. The Madinat is indeed scenic with its artificial canals and faux windtowers. But "men in long white flowing robes" drinking coffee in 100 degree heat? Not unless Jumeirah International has started scattering actors around its properties for extra Arabian authenticity. "Mysteriously veiled" women "flitting" about? Come on. This is barely a step away from the harem scene in Carry On Up My Camel.

"I throw open the veranda doors..."

And crank up the air conditioning?

"Except for the occasional golf buggy that zips along the path, I could easily imagine sailing through an Arabian Nights fairytale with Sinbad the Sailor."

The keyword here is "fairytale".

"The writer was a guest of Emirates and Madinat Jumeirah."

Say no more.

"Sun, sand and slavery"

Leo Hickman, who has written a book about the real cost of tourism, visited Dubai as part of his research. He got to stay at the Burj al Arab for free, but then took a day trip to Sonapur There he spoke to an Afghan called Rahmatula about his life in Dubai:

"By six he is at the building site, where hundreds of luxury villas are being constructed, and immediately starts moving bricks by hand. "I have 15 minutes for my lunch 'hour'," he says. "I always eat roti bread with vegetable curry made the night before, which I bring with me." He says that he's not allowed to stop again, even if he's hot and needs water. If he does, pay will be deducted from his salary. "I've been working here for five years and my salary is now 800 dirhams [£110] a month, but with overtime I get it up to 1,100. I send home 600 dirhams a month," he says with evident pride.

"I can't help looking at his sweat-stained shirt and thinking of the bath-and-caviar service at the Burj al-Arab. It would take Rahmatula more than three months of picking up bricks, I calculate, to earn enough money to pay for such a bath."

Hickman's book, The Final Call, isn't just about Dubai, it looks at the dark side of tourism worldwide. Hickman writes that despite the claim that tourism "nurtures world peace, love and understanding" there is little evidence for this:

"Instead, the bounty is carved up between a select few, while far too many of the industry's workers, particularly in developing nations, are no more than wage-slaves scratching out a pitiful living."

A $45 million Tiger

Forty-five million dollars - that's how much Dubai is rumoured to have spent to beat China for the world's first Tiger Woods Golf Course:

While specifics aren't known, Sports Illustrated cites rumors that Woods' end of the deal will be as much as $45 million (Sheikh Mohammed bin Rashid al Maktoum, ruler of Dubai outbid the interests of the world's other enlightened despots in China for the honor of building Woods' first course).

It's a solid bet that whatever the amount Woods pockets will be exponentially higher than the amount given to the hands who will provide the labor in sweltering heat to construct the course.

And another nice description of Dubai: "...a mixed steroid cocktail of Las Vegas, Singapore, and Bangkok."

Top ten Dubai phrases

1. the Ruler's wise vision
2. double-digit growth
3. world's tallest tower
4. Arabic hospitality
5. year-round sunshine
6. open and tolerant society
7. advanced infrastructure
8. cultural melting-pot
9. sustainable development
10. tax-free environment

The Erring Eye

Where to start with the glaring mistakes, misunderstandings and swallowed-down-myths in this Asia Times "Roving Eye - Dubai" article?

1. "Dubai... is a self-described "door to a market of more than 1 billion consumers"."
"Self-described" for a very good reason: it's completely misleading. The vast majority of the billion "consumers" at Dubai's door are dollar-a-day third-worlders. They won't be turning up for a luxury stay at the Ritz Dubailand any time soon.

2. "Most of all, [Sheikh Zayed] had every reason to be proud of his family's intuition and business acumen - as already in the 1940s they had decided to drain Dubai's port while competitors were sleeping."
No. Zayed's family are the Al Nahyans. The Maktoums run Dubai and dredged the Creek. And the "competition" was Sharjah, part of the UAE. And the Creek was actually dredged in the 1950s and Port Rashid built in the 1960s.

3. "Sheikh Zayed was promised as he lay dying that Dubai would continue to flourish - even without gambling casinos. Not for long, it now seems. Arab Las Vegas, anyone?"
Does anyone else find this touching deathbed scene more than a little absurd to imagine? Not to mention completely irrelevant, as Zayed's main concern would have been Abu Dhabi and Al Ain, and the UAE as a whole.

4. "In this mish-mash of wealthy Arab women covered in silk black chadors"
Try black georgette abayas.

5. "armies of men in dishdashas and fake gold Rolexes"
Try solid gold. Fakes are for tourists and expats.

6. "In the totally deregulated airport, anyone may land piloting any sort of aircraft."
Time to patch up the Zeppelin with sellotape and book a landing slot - the DCA will be waiting with open arms.

7. "Dubai remains in essence a protectorate - a status not substantially different from the tribal sheikhdoms dominated by the British until 1971."
Just like New York is a protectorate of Washington. (Did someone forget to decommission the Trucial Scouts?)

8. "During the 2003 invasion and occupation of Iraq, Dubai was neutral. Thus no al-Qaeda attacks [...] an al-Qaeda attack on Dubai remains unlikely."
Sez who? Osama?

9. "If only Dubai realised that $300 billion would buy the entire outstanding debt of the developing world."
So? What's the point here, get the chequebook out? The US 2007 military budget is $463 billion, excluding Iraq.

10. "[Sheikh Mohammed] only acceded to power last January after the death of his elder brother"
No. Sheikh Mo has been in power as Crown Prince since 1995 and has singlehandedly driven the development of Dubai long before ascending to the Rulership.

11. "The "diversification" may have been one-sided so far - it revolves around tourism, real estate and commercial projects."
Surely this would make it three-sided? Quite apart from the fact that it also involves trade, heavy industry, aviation, finance, IT and media (unless they're all lumped in as "commercial").

12. "Five years ago, Dubai's Internet City was literally desert sand."
DIC opened in October 2000.

13. "Ibn Battuta... was reborn as a mall [with] "Chinese", "Indian", "Persian" or "Moroccan" halls."
Andalucia, Tunisia, Egypt, Persia, India, China. No Morocco. Nor is Morocco in any way interchangeable with Persia.

14. "If she's a woman and works as a maid or in a hotel, she can be sexually harassed - and there will be no recourse."
Sexual harassment is a crime in every emirate of the UAE. Her chances of succeeding in an action may be slim, but there is recourse.

15. "Foreign companies can only operate by paying a UAE kafeel (sponsor, guarantor)"
Not if they're in a freezone, where 100% foreign ownership is permitted.

16. "Everyone knows there's a property-market bubble and the stock market is bound to fall."
Terrible journalism. Nobody "knows". People suspect/predict/reckon/speculate and hedge their interests accordingly. And not everyone agrees...

Eye on Dubai

Dubai is making more headlines than Paris Hilton these days. And unsurprisingly, there's as much dirty linen as glittering party frocks hanging on the line.

The Sunday Times exposes the victims of the "Light House Affair", a multimillion dollar property fiasco. Due to be finished last month, the planned Marina tower is a few abandoned foundations in the sand:
“We could lose our money, our flat, our future — everything,” says Roger Blakeley, 46, from Lancashire, who has put down £90,000. “We chose Dubai because Sheikh Mohammed (the emirate’s ruler) assured western investors their money would be safe. It’s time for Dubai to show that foreign buyers have rights and are protected when things go wrong.”

The admittedly partisan and patchily written DAFKA comes up with the bizarre theory that falconry is funding Al Qaeda. According to former UAE falconer "Alan Parrot":
“The Sheiks fly into hunting camps in Pakistan and Afghanistan on C-130 military cargo planes filled with SUV’s, supplies and even steamer trunks full of cash. They meet with al Qaeda leaders or bin Laden himself while in these camps and discuss their Muslim obligations and unity. When they leave, they leave all the vehicles, supplies and any other useful equipment behind as donations to al Qaeda for its efforts at jihad."

The Sun reveals the details of Naomi Campbell's million-quid birthday bash at the Burj:
"The party, starting on Sunday, is being hosted by Naomi’s boyfriend — multi-millionaire Dubai playboy Badr Jafar. Each of the three days will be themed, with Sunday dubbed “All White”."

And the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review wades through the gleaming hotels, booming business and mega projects to reach the stunning conclusion:
"So beneath the glitz and gleaming skyline Dubai is a theocratic Islamic state that no American would want to be a citizen of for more than an hour."

Well, as they keep kindly pointing out to us, none of us non-dishdash will ever be citizens here or have any political rights. We're just "guests", temporary people, visitors, here to make a few, increasingly worthless oily dollars, so move along, move along.

The fatigue factor

It's no wonder Dubai authorities are feeling a little irritated. Used to the local press swallowing down whole their endless glowing promises and visions, it must be very trying when international media refuse to play ball.

And it must be even more galling when local papers reprint this "bad and wrong propaganda", as Labour Minister Dr Al Ka'abi describes it.

For the tide has finally, irrevocably turned. The rest of the world is growing as sick of Dubai as it was once fascinated by it. Megaprojects are as likely to draw a yawn as a gasp of wonder. Increasing international awareness of the plight of third world workers draws horror and disgust. As Gulf News (not without a sense of glee, one imagines, if the emails received from GN hacks disillusioned by this are any indication) notes:

Meanwhile, headlines in the international press have been hard hitting.

"Revolt stirs as Dubai aims high", wrote the Guardian; "Tourists become targets as Dubai workers take revolt to the beaches", said The Observer; "In UAE tales of Paradise lost", splashed the Washington Post.

It might be time for Dubai to roll up its ad banners, batten down the hatches and keep a lower profile for a while.

Mirror image of Dubai

A happy new year throughout the sandlands and beyond, as the UK Mirror encourages yet more hordes of Brits to enjoy the delights of Dubai:

"Ask any long-haul air crew about their favourite layover destination and they'll tell you that top of their list is Dubai, in the United Arab Emirates."

Is it really? Any air crews reading this, do feel free to check in with your comments. But what a fascinating range of alternately obscure, overpriced or seedy venues the Mirror suggests:

"The atmospheric Night Souk features stores selling fashion, accessories, electronic gadgets, cosmetics, jewellery, watches and a range of exotic goods such as Persian carpets and spices.

"Open from 8pm to 3am, this is the hottest place to shop in the coolest part of the day, while the newly-revamped Global Village next door brings together music, dance, arts, handicrafts, theatre and cuisine and is a much sought-after destination."

Are there Persian carpets at the Night Souq? From memory, it offers discounted, outdated consumer electronics and factory clearance jeans. And "next door" to the Global Village? Yes, if you live on a remote ice station in Antarctica and your nearest neighbours are 30 miles away.

"Lots of tour firms offer 4x4 desert safaris, visiting bedouin camps" - bedouin camps, yes, with plumbed toilets, alcohol, resident henna ladies and belly-dancers, and only two ancient, over-decorated camels per tribe. "Golf vies with horse racing as Dubai's second religion - Islam, of course, being the first." - a statement of both questionable taste and accuracy: money is Dubai's second religion. "Falling off your windsurfer is like plunging into a warm bath" - not in winter, unless you're the Antarctica family again, and your water heater is broken. "And despite all the offshore building work - they are currently constructing the Palm, a huge offshore island - the sea is surprisingly clear" - is it? Certainly compared to the pristine turquoise glass of four years ago, before the dredging started, it isn't.

But for the average Mirror-reader-coming-to-Dubai, there are at least a couple of pieces of useful advice:

"If you're after something more basic, there are three McDonald's in Dubai as well as Burger Kings, KFCs and a couple of Pizza Huts."

"Cyclone The Club, in downtown Dubai, is one of the biggest venues in the Middle East."

Mirror readers will be delighted to find out precisely what it is "big" for.

Dreaming of Dubai

"A benevolent state police society" - Gulf News' Nicholas Coates' verdict on the sandlands in the BBC2 documentary Dubai Dreams. Other members of the editorial team echo his view:

"Here, journalists walk a tightrope."
"Dubai is not a democracy and there is strong control of the media."
"Toe the line, don't think you're in the West."
"We are aware of the social ills that exist, but we perhaps don't tackle them with the zest and gusto that a western paper would."

In the first episode, Dubai is seen through the eyes of expat snapper Paul Velasquez, who frets over the dire quality of various photos of "front page sheikhs" sent by UAE state news agency WAM, which Gulf News feels compelled to run:

"Technically it's terrible: bad quality, badly shot, amateur."

As he tussles with various authorities while trying to snap camels, the Burj, royal palaces and labourers, Paul admits he's "more bitter" and disillusioned than he was when he first arrived:

"It's not really a melting pot... it's like it's a pot, but there's not much melting going on."

Sky high Dubai

This month's Storycake award goes to the LA Times, for a superb article describing the sandlands as "a zany boomtown afloat in plastic fantasy, unbridled ambition and rivers of cold cash":

"Today's freewheeling Dubai is a bewildering stew of nationalities, a place where natives make up less than 20% of the population of about a million. It's also a place where politics is seldom spoken of — people are much too busy amassing cash and spending it as flamboyantly as possible.

"Misgivings rumble into the conversation sometimes. People wonder whether the go-go economy has enough real stuff underpinning it to sustain itself, or whether the real estate bubble will pop. Human rights groups have accused developers of exploiting thousands of foreign men who come from countries such as India and Pakistan to toil in the hot sun for about $200 a month."

Very nicely seasoned. A generous dash of sympathy for workers, a good dollop of cliches - "once-sleepy port of pearl traders and pirates", and a liberal sprinkling of traffic - "the Porsches and Jaguars and Ferraris are jostling and crawling along Sheik Zayed Road". And for a wonderful cherry on top:

"Lurching through the liquid turquoise of the gulf, hulking ships power-spray great arcs of sand, pounding it tight enough to make the man-made islands."

Cooking up a Dubai storycake

After a fortnight digging around the sandlands for something resembling a scoop, a foreign hack flies home, somewhat crestfallen. If there were any crests in Dubai, which unless you count Jebel Ali "mountain" and frankly no one does, there aren't.

While plenty of reasonably interesting people, places, and practices have been spread before him during his stay, there is nothing really new. Nothing that hasn't been written about already in a thousand different articles titled "The Dubai Miracle" or some close variant.

The problem is that there is really only one Dubai storycake that wordchefs can cook up. The recipe is thus:

Dubai Storycake - Ingredients

- 4oz glittering modern city/business/hotels
- 4oz shopping malls
- 4oz construction site
- 4oz magical mega projects
- 1/4 pint stock phrases: tiny-fishing-village, pearl-of-the-Gulf, desert-kingdom, open-and-tolerant, Arab-hospitality
- teaspoon of very-westernised-for-the-ay-rab-world
- liberal sprinkling of adjectival couplets ("fast-growing" "rapidly-developing" "fast-paced" give a particularly authentic Dubayy flavour)
- dash of sympathy for poor-foreign-labourers (optional, according to taste)

Method

1. Cut ingredients from tourism brochures and paste well together
2. Stir with a thick PR-donated ladle into a impenetrably bland batter
3. Bake between the glossy sheets of advertorial pastry which paid for your trip

Dubai: tourism phenomenon

The UK-based Social Affairs Unit provides an interesting analysis of Dubai's appeal as a tourism destination, calling it the "Bangkok of the Middle East". There is strong praise for Dubai's rapid growth:

"Dubai is now at full speed – all the time. The streets are packed, businesses are booming. You have to book in advance for restaurants. Still the building continues, and still people are buying. Planes unload thousands of tourists a day, who squint in the sunshine and plan to visit the Burj al Arab, the world's tallest and most visionary hotel."

It notes how Dubai has become a melting-pot, a city with a soul, on a par with New York: "a point on the globe where people meet, work hard and play hard."

Further down, the article notes:

"An economist recently informed me that vice, directly and indirectly, accounts for over 30% of Dubai's money-go-round. It is big business, and there in every bar in town."

"Deluxe sandpit"

One cannot really fault Observer journalist Lynn Barber's description of Dubai:

"Imagine an expanse of dusty desert beside a greasy sea, sweltering under a pitiless sun. Now cover it with six-lane highways, flyovers, spaghetti junctions and all the nastiest buildings you have ever seen. Think Birmingham without its beauty, Las Vegas without its culture. Dubai is unquestionably the ugliest city in the world - there should be a socking great sign at the airport saying 'Abandon all taste, ye who enter here.' "