Sweaty, thirsty summer ahead

Can the UAE's infrastructure no longer cope with the hordes of people arriving by the hour? First we learn that taps have run dry at the "upper class" (if you swap Buckingham Palace for a Bovis home, maybe) Arabian Ranches:

Mother of two, Mariyam Rezvan, who lives in the Al Saheel area of the sprawling Ranches, said she had no running water for five days.

"I'm sending my children to Mall of the Emirates to use the toilet, and to a friend's house so they can shower," Rezvan who owns a Dh2.3 million villa said.

And now Sharjah appears to be running out of electricity:

Sharjah: People living in Maysaloon are suffering from recurring power cuts and parents are using their air-conditioned cars as temporary homes to help their children beat the heat.

The electricity keeps getting cut off for very long periods since the past year, said a resident. "We wet the floor tiles and lie on them to keep cool during the hot afternoons," said C. Surendran, living on Street 25.

Time to start hoarding candles and bottled water.

Hell or high water

Fifty years ago, Rosa Parks made history by telling white man where to stick it. In 21st century Dubai, it seems her fight is far from over. Via Desert Idleness comes this disturbing complaint:

Dear Emaar

Last Friday I witnessed two houseservants walking in swimming costumes with a towel around them returning from using the Meadows 6 pool (the one totally surrounded by the villas). Are houseservants allowed to use the pools, personally I do not feel comfortable with this, if I go to the pool I like to be able to have a conversation and socialise with people I have something in common with.

If your security guys allow a few to use the pool then it will eventually be full with housemaids and their husbands etc. I am sure I am not alone in this feeling. Can you please advise Emaars views on this.

Yazzi

Well Yazzi, if the reassuringly disgusted responses to your complaint are anything to go by, you certainly have very little in common with anyone else at the SpringsMeadowsLakes. So you might want to consider removing yourself and your charming views - "Give a servant an inch and they will take a mile" - from the poolside instead.

The land of white suits

Tourist tip: if you're planning to enjoy Dubai's nightlife, don't forget to abide by the dress code, or you're likely to be refused entry in many places. Wear a white suit.

A white suit. Not a brown suit and definitely not a black suit, that's completely unacceptable in most venues.

Doesn't matter how rich you are, or how presentable, or how important: white suits only please. Men and women. Thank you for your time.

Phat Mo

"I don’t talk about fast cars, booty and bling - you know, calling women bitches and hos… unless they deserve to be called bitches and hos," he says.

Meet one of the UAE's first rappers, Phat Mo. His debut song Oh! is already getting airplay on local radio:

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!
What's yo name
What's yo game
What is that yo wearing
Put J-Lo to shame

That's no ho, that's a lady
Pull up at the club in her own Mercedes

Shake that ass!

7Days misses the depth and beauty of this lyrical masterpiece and its unparallelled resonance for our times, showing instead an unkind and unnecessary cynicism: "Yet the big question, of course, is what contribution pampered Dubaians can make in musical genres like rock or rap that fetishise authenticity and struggle?"

Presumably 7Days' own pampered hacks have never suffered the desperate, gruelling struggle of everyday Dubaians to find a parking space for their Hummer outside Dubai Marine Resort; the near-unbearable torment of having to actually queue to get into Boudoir; the sheer, heart-wrenching grief of realising one is wearing yesterday's solid gold, diamond-encrusted bling; and the devasting, tragic sense of loss when ones ho shakes her booty at another pimp?

Eye on Dubai

Dubai is making more headlines than Paris Hilton these days. And unsurprisingly, there's as much dirty linen as glittering party frocks hanging on the line.

The Sunday Times exposes the victims of the "Light House Affair", a multimillion dollar property fiasco. Due to be finished last month, the planned Marina tower is a few abandoned foundations in the sand:
“We could lose our money, our flat, our future — everything,” says Roger Blakeley, 46, from Lancashire, who has put down £90,000. “We chose Dubai because Sheikh Mohammed (the emirate’s ruler) assured western investors their money would be safe. It’s time for Dubai to show that foreign buyers have rights and are protected when things go wrong.”

The admittedly partisan and patchily written DAFKA comes up with the bizarre theory that falconry is funding Al Qaeda. According to former UAE falconer "Alan Parrot":
“The Sheiks fly into hunting camps in Pakistan and Afghanistan on C-130 military cargo planes filled with SUV’s, supplies and even steamer trunks full of cash. They meet with al Qaeda leaders or bin Laden himself while in these camps and discuss their Muslim obligations and unity. When they leave, they leave all the vehicles, supplies and any other useful equipment behind as donations to al Qaeda for its efforts at jihad."

The Sun reveals the details of Naomi Campbell's million-quid birthday bash at the Burj:
"The party, starting on Sunday, is being hosted by Naomi’s boyfriend — multi-millionaire Dubai playboy Badr Jafar. Each of the three days will be themed, with Sunday dubbed “All White”."

And the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review wades through the gleaming hotels, booming business and mega projects to reach the stunning conclusion:
"So beneath the glitz and gleaming skyline Dubai is a theocratic Islamic state that no American would want to be a citizen of for more than an hour."

Well, as they keep kindly pointing out to us, none of us non-dishdash will ever be citizens here or have any political rights. We're just "guests", temporary people, visitors, here to make a few, increasingly worthless oily dollars, so move along, move along.

Impoverished hopelessness

It is not illegal to pay workers only a couple of dollars a day for their labour.

It is illegal for those workers to complain about the situation.

Meanwhile, 28-year-old Naresh Gattu kills himself in sheer desperation at being too poor to return home for six years:

"This is the second reported suicide among low-paid workers in just two days. Indian electrician, Iqbal Alam, hung himself in a labour camp on Saturday also due to stress of not being able to go back home. 7DAYS reported earlier this year that in 2005 there were more than 100 reported cases of suicides among migrant workers."

These are human beings. They are not just little dark-faced Asian men, indistinguishable from one another in their blue boilersuits as they crawl ant-like over scaffolding in the burning midday sun. These are individual human beings with lives and loves and dreams, and they deserve better from all of us than this.

A sorry sisterhood

"It seriously ruined my whole day, it was so depressing to me."

WestMeetsEast's reaction after attending a seminar titled: "What Drives Arab Women?" It identified five categories of women. One type was women who see themselves as equal to men, and were likely to be educated and active in the workforce. Three more types were women that were "happily subservient" and saw their role in life as home and family based.

But it was the fifth category that saddened WestMeetEast:

"This type suffers from extreme internal conflict. She sees the independence and freedom that expat Western women enjoy – and it makes her jealous, insecure, and spiteful even. In her frustration she wants to feel that her life is superior to those women, so she spends lavishly and shows off mightily. She drives a Mercedes (in the UAE at least where women are allowed to drive), puts diamonds on her fingers, her purse and even her cell phone. She brags openly about her riches. At home, her frustration and inability to stand up to her husband manifests into masterful manipulation. In lieu of being equal in her husband’s eyes, she “beats” him by conning him into spending more money on her. Thus, she feels some modicum of power and control. Her biggest fear in life is feeling invisible."

According to WestMeetsEast, most of the women in this category were UAE nationals. "It's a uniquely UAE thing - not Saudi or Qatar or Bahrain. They see us, they see that we are allowed to be bold, independent, whatever. While they want that, they hate us for it because they can't have it. They're not strong enough to stand up to the powers that be, the men in their lives. What do these women have over us? Money. If money is the only thing they have over us then yes, flash me your diamonds, it's the only way they can show strength."

Even more sadly, category five has become the face of UAE womanhood in the perceptions of many expats. Businesswomen are busy in their offices and homemakers are busy at home. It's category fives that roam conspicuously around the shopping malls, diamond-encrusted mobile phones and Paris Gallery bags in manicured hands. They give outsiders the impression that all emiratis drip wealth and luxury, but this is far from the reality.

Poisoned waters

A poisoned pomegranate juice thwarts this weekend's plans for a jailbreak, but thank god for Dewa, who - unlike its Sharjah counterpart - actually manage to keep water flowing in the pipes:

Sharjah: The shortage of water in densely populated areas of Sharjah has become acute, with no advance warning from the authorities, residents said yesterday.

Most residents around Rolla Square have been using drinking water to flush toilets for the past month, while others are forced to drive to friends' homes in other districts to shower and bathe.

Enjoying E Coli with no flushing lavatories is beyond imagining.

Water is the scarcest resource in the sandlands, yet the UAE boasts one of the highest per capita consumptions in the world. Read this and weep; see this and think twice about any Dubai retirement plans you were entertaining.

Love's Labours Found

Hooray for Dr Kaabi, if his latest plan to shut down labour agencies comes off:

Dr Ali Bin Abdullah Al Ka'abi, Labour Minister, told reporters that workers' cities will be built to take the place of about 170 labour agencies currently licensed by the ministry.

Construction companies will hire workers from the cities, which will be managed by private companies with government supervision, he said.

It won't help all the workers because there will always be illegals, but it will help the majority. If - and only if - recruitment is also monitored on the subcontinent side, cutting out the evil middlemen who screw these poor labourers for thousands of dirhams in loans that they are never going to be able to repay.

It shouldn't cost that much to bring labourers here, it's not like they're flown over first class and put up at the Burj for six months. Ship them over if it's really too expensive to fly them. Bring in lower charges for bulk visa applications in certain job categories if necessary, and like Media City, have them centrally sponsored and contracted out to companies.

The most amazing thing is that it's taken them so long to do this, despite several years of mega-boom construction and literally millions of the poor guys pouring in to give their lives to the UAE's future.

Revelations

12 And I saw the sun rise and burn and not diminish, and lay waste the earth in burning hellfire, and all was rendered dust and sand; and even at night there was no respite;

13 And I stood upon the sand of the sea, and saw a beast rise up out of the sea, having one head and seven horns, and upon his hands and feet white raiments, and upon his horns the name of surprises.

14 His head and his horns were yellow like boiling sulphur, as bright as the sun; and his eyes were as coals of darkness;

15 And when I saw him, I fell at his feet as dead. And he laid his right hand upon me, saying unto me, Fear not; for there are many shopping promotions to come.

Reinstate the Shah

The ongoing spat between Iran and the UAE over various disputed islands has spilled over onto fake islands. To summarise the exciting drama:

Iran: Your man-made islands will harm our environment.

UAE: That's none of your business. Your nuclear plans are a risk to the whole region. And Tehran is the world's fifth most polluted city. And give us Mousa and Tunbs back.

It's a charming example of the traditional Arab divert-the-blame game. When your opponent tosses over his ball, ignore it, and throw several other balls back at him instead. Developments on Iran's doorstop are clearly its business, so a less petulant response might be to send over the usual Nakheel dossier: Why The Palm Is The Best Thing For The Environment And Marine Biodiversity Ever.

That apart, Iran's recent transformation into the North Korea of the Gulf is a concern. The shamals blow enough Persian sand and dust over the UAE already without adding fallout to the mix. So it wasn't too much of a surprise to see this headline in the same edition of Gulf News:

Association ordered to reinstate Shah

Disappointingly, it was actually about Dubai's Indian Association. No ousting the Mad Mayor and his Mullahs just yet.

Saturday's children

Finally the UAE gets a sensible weekend that isn't unmanageably out of sync with the rest of the developed world:

"According to the cabinet decision, federal ministries and institutions, local government departments, public and private schools will close on Fridays and Saturdays for the weekend . Saturday will therefore replace Thursday as weekend."

As noted previously, other Middle East countries had already set the trend.

Now what remains to be seen is whether a lot of people that used to work on Saturday will still have to work on Saturday, meaning a six-day week; or whether a lot of people that aren't used to working on Thursdays will still slack off on Thursdays, meaning a four-day week.

Timeshare Dubai-style

Welcome to the concept of a bedspace. A bedspace is a timeshare in a bed. It is used by people in Dubai - generally Asian migrant workers - who are so poor that they cannot even afford to rent part of a room.

Instead they team up with someone working an opposite shift - perhaps a night watchman - and share the bed at different times. Quite what happens on the weekend is anyone's guess, but it's doubtless even less comfortable.

Interestingly, the bedspace has a long and glorious history in Dubai. Back in the early days of the oil boom, when there were few hotels and thousands of foreign businesspeople arriving by the day, the Intercontinental on the Creek used to double-book beds. It was quite normal, if disconcerting, for a German businessman to arrive back at his room to find a sleeping Syrian businessman occupying half of it. Or for a British oil executive to wake up in the morning to the sound of a Dutch counterpart arriving with his suitcases.

How times haven't really changed at all.

Sun sonnet

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou art more scorching and more full of sweat
Harsh desert winds blow most people away,
And winter's lease hath all too short a date:
Always too hot the eye of heaven glowers,
Despite the smog his fire burns like hell;
And everyone is desperate for cold showers,
But all the water's boiling hot as well;
And this eternal hellfire never fades,
The boys in blue are all roasting alive;
And e'en at night it's fifty centigrade,
Although officially it's forty-five:
If only we could breathe without A/C
We might endure this total purgatory

Just a game

As stockmarkets collapse around the Gulf bringing despair, fury and no small amount of schadenfreude, it's heartening to see that they're still trying to encourage the young'uns to take up this halal form of gambling:

AL AIN - Ebtehal Alawthali, a student of the Al Ain Women's College (AAWC), has won the 2006 Online Stock Game Competition at the Dubai Financial Market (DFM).

Students were given a virtual million dirhams to gamble invest with. It probably felt no less real than the hundreds of millions of dirhams taken out in bankloans by so many Gulf nationals to have a flutter with. After all, that wasn't their money either, was it? It cameth from a bank vault and to a bank vault it shall not return, for most of it is gone forever.

Ebtehal added: "I wish real life was a game so I could make Dh18 million in a month."

Don't we all.

Green obscene

Behind the trees and flowerbeds of the deceptively tranquil Green Community housing development (million dirham concrete blocks in the middle of the desert) lies a seething underworld of infidelity and depravity.

One separated wife and her new partner have even taken to lurking behind palm trees with a long range lens, trying to get a snap of her husband and his mistress, who live a few doors away. This after the spiteful hubby informed on his ex-wife and her lover to police.

"It's so far from anywhere there: you don't want to go anywhere because of the traffic, so there's little else to get up to," one Green Georgina explains sadly. "But I don't know what happened to just playing Scrabble or Monopoly of an evening."

Or Twister?

"Ah, well that's where it all starts," she confides.

Flow of conversation

"Good afternoon sir, how are you today?"

Hotel staff in Dubai are known for their excellent service and friendly manner. Generally, it's all fine and good.

Except in the above instance, when the guest in question was standing at a urinal in mid-flow.

Making short work

"They say the hours are very long, from 8am to 5pm."

A fascinating and illuminating report by one of GN's best reporters, Diaa Hadid, on the difficulties of getting locals into the private sector. It's not expat prejudice that's to blame, if the figures are to be believed, but local unwillingness to work a normal-length day:

"[The percentage of UAE nationals working in the private sector] stands at about one per cent - the number of UAE nationals employed in the private sector, in a country which creates 300,000 jobs every year, enough to absorb 10 times the estimated 33,000 unemployed UAE nationals."

Diaa also lists the number of (paid) holidays enjoyed by workers in the UAE public sector:

"Government sector employees work 7 hours a day, 5 hours a day in Ramadan. Most are given 45 days annual leave, reaching 60 days for top civil service grades.

"That does not include 9 days of official holidays, or the several extra paid leave they can apply for, including study leave, for employees who have completed 3 years work; paid leave to accompany sick direct relatives for treatment abroad; 21 days to complete the pilgrimage to Makkah and Madinah; and 6 months sabbatical leave, although with strict conditions."

Excluding sick days, study leave days, accompanying-relatives-days and sabbatical, that's 60+9+21=90. That's THREE MONTHS paid annual holiday, and for the more cunning - juggling leave around weekends and chucking a few sickies - easily FOUR MONTHS.

Nice "work" if you can get it.

Dishing dirt

The ultimate UAE culinary mystery is finally revealed by Gulf News:

"The six victims were rushed to the hospital after they fainted and suffered from severe pain in the stomach as they ate kababs (a meat delicacy) from this particular restaurant."

Thanks greatly for the clarification. Not a single person in the entire UAE had a clue what kebabs were until now.

"The municipal official stressed that laboratory tests conducted on the kababs and other dishes served in the restaurant showed that they were not fit for human consumption."

Mmm... delicious.

Mammoth monstrosity

Interviewing a Sri Lankan tourism exec about his country's attractions was fascinating: it is clearly a lush, beautiful place rich in culture and history. Of particular interest was the elephant orphanage or "transit home", which helps raise and rehome small beasts separated from their herd:

"And eventually, once they have grown up enough, they are returned to the wild in Udawalawe National Park. There are normally between 15 and 30 elephants, between 3 weeks and 4 years old, at the facility."

Tourists and animal lovers can visit the elephant home, meet the orphans, and donate money to help conserve the noble pachyderm.

But why bother? For Lo! and on the eighth day, an elephant-shaped hotel was created at Dubailand. Along with three Taj Mahals, two Eiffel towers, and a Pisa-tower in a fucking pear tree.

Unfair pressure

UAE newspapers. We know they're limp rags compared to their international counterparts, but it's not the journalists' fault:

"Every newspaper and reporter self-censors and any newspaper that says they don't is deluded," said the editor of a local newspaper.

More frustrating than government pressure is corporate meddling:

"They said private advertisers openly pressured and threatened publications by pulling advertising if they saw stories they did not like."

Of course these are often one and the same: government-owned companies strong-arming the local press to withdraw stories or suppress others from ever seeing the light of day. Let's not forget this fascinating but withdrawn article by ITP.

It's currently illegal to publish any story that "harms" the UAE national economy, even the story is true. Not a great situation for investors who need full transparency and disclosure in financial news and information.

Clanking under cloak of night

Every night at midnight, the clanking begins. Not far from Cell Block G, strange, secretive heavy construction work is taking place on Nakheel's cracked, long-ago evacuated Garden View villas.

There may be a simple explanation why this noisy, heavy building work is done under cloak of darkness. Perhaps the machinery is used on other sites during the daytime.

But for labourers working in dangerously low visibility, and nearby inmates disturbed from their sleep night after night, it is a strange and sad affair.

The fatigue factor

It's no wonder Dubai authorities are feeling a little irritated. Used to the local press swallowing down whole their endless glowing promises and visions, it must be very trying when international media refuse to play ball.

And it must be even more galling when local papers reprint this "bad and wrong propaganda", as Labour Minister Dr Al Ka'abi describes it.

For the tide has finally, irrevocably turned. The rest of the world is growing as sick of Dubai as it was once fascinated by it. Megaprojects are as likely to draw a yawn as a gasp of wonder. Increasing international awareness of the plight of third world workers draws horror and disgust. As Gulf News (not without a sense of glee, one imagines, if the emails received from GN hacks disillusioned by this are any indication) notes:

Meanwhile, headlines in the international press have been hard hitting.

"Revolt stirs as Dubai aims high", wrote the Guardian; "Tourists become targets as Dubai workers take revolt to the beaches", said The Observer; "In UAE tales of Paradise lost", splashed the Washington Post.

It might be time for Dubai to roll up its ad banners, batten down the hatches and keep a lower profile for a while.